Family conflicts are common. Husband and wife are two adults, with their own views, habits, tastes and beliefs. And it is natural that people can look at the same problem in different ways. Between on and conflict. No private practice is allowed so much as it is half-past. The right fight is the key to a strong marriage. Do you know how to quarrel with your husband?
Basic rules of conduct in conflict with her husband
Conflicts in family life are inevitable. In psychology, the conflict is seen as a clash of interests, lack of agreement between the parties. The most conflicting situation is assigned to the area and the projected problem, as to the position of the para. You can get out of a quarrel to solve this problem, or you can, on the contrary, aggravate it.
Depending on the requirements, it is necessary for the following:
- Inadequate assessment of the surrounding reality and high expectations;
- The desire to subdue the second half;
- Different value orientations and outlooks on life;
- Inability or unwillingness to reach mutual understanding.
And how to quarrel correctly so that the quarrel leads to a positive solution to the problem?
- Remember! You can only fight in private.
With friends, parents, children, and even just strangers, this is prohibited. Firstly, sooner or later you and your husband will make peace and forget about the conflict, but your environment will not. This can lead to larger conflicts, relatives and friends may, after your quarrel, speak unflatteringly about your family life and “drip on the brains”, saying that your husband is not the right choice.
Secondly, after a public quarrel, you give people a reason to climb into your personal life with unsolicited advice. Do you need it? It is also forbidden to quarrel with children, as it is dangerous for the child’s psyche.
- The quarrel has a specific reason.
It is not necessary to pay for it. If the reason for the quarrel is the division of life, then there is no need to remember that “he does not give flowers, and he does not give money.”
- Hold yourself back.
Do not criticize your husband’s appearance or your intimate life during quarrels. Sora is prepared, and the complete system is available. In this way it is private to some more problems in six months. Avoid insults. In a fit of emotion, you can say a lot of very hurtful words. Sometimes people say in the heat of the moment that they don’t even consider it true, and resentment for these words can take years.
- Don’t interrupt, let your husband speak.
How to make peace and end a quarrel?
There will be no constructive way out and quarrel if you and your husband just yell at each other. Be sure to let your spouse speak, even if you do not agree with him. And then express your opinion. If you continuously shout about your own, then the spouse simply will not hear you.
- No word “run away” from conflict.
If there is a problem, then it needs to be addressed. “Slamming doors” or playing “silent” is the lot of unformed personalities. Adult people try to solve the problem on the spot, without delay.
- Don’t take offense.
Each person can be imagined as a vessel in which negative emotions accumulate. If you overflow with negativity, then it will spill out on someone, sometimes even unfairly. And the husband can also fall under the distribution. Solve even minor problems on the spot, if something is unpleasant for you, tell me.
Technique “I-message” in family conflict
In order for a quarrel to end in a positive solution or compromise, you must use the “I-message” technique. “I-message” must be composed according to certain rules. Fraza consists in four squares:
- The first part of the phrase tells your spouse about the action that you do not like;
- The second part is devoted to your feelings at this moment;
- The third part of the phrase should carry the idea that the line of behavior of the spouse has an impact on you or those around you;
- In the end, you need to indicate what behavior or actions you expect from your spouse.
primer. Quarrel between husband and wife. The bone of contention is dirty dishes. “You never help me! I carry everything by myself! Not only can’t you do the elementary, but you also don’t bring money into the house! or “You didn’t wash the dishes, I’m very upset because I’m tired and I don’t have the strength to wash it myself.
You have no desire to help me around the house, because of this I feel unnecessary. Can you do it now?” Do you see the difference between these phrases? I-messages are one of the most effective conflict resolution techniques.
The word useful examples of “I-messages”:
- “When you are late, I worry about you, because I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I would like you to call if you plan to come home late”;
- “You spend little time, I’m upset ego, so yuyu and h want chl together, moteloension cxt
- “You have been calling us for a long time, it’s thick o ^ that the news will pass us by, to be leaving?
- “We love different foods. I feel tired cooking several dishes every day, maybe sometimes we will use the delivery service? ”;
- “When you say that you want it, you need it. I wanted to meet with them sometimes, as this is also part of my life.
Mastering the technique of “I-messages” is quite difficult, but if you properly control your speech, you can decide to knock a lot. And not only families.
Satya Das on family conflicts
Satya Das positions himself as a family psychologist. On the other hand, it is light in my psychology and there are other audio devices on that language. On the other hand, the responses to certain conflicts:
- A quarrel is a problem. It must be recognized that there is a problem and it must be solved;
- “If you want to quarrel, it’s time to shut up,” says Satya. It is better to distract yourself with some business, relieve tension and think about a way to solve the problem;
- It is necessary to separate the personality of a person from his act: “The person is good, but behaved incorrectly”;
- Do not use in quarrels the phrases “You never …”, “You always …”, “You all your life …”, “Only you …”. And also insults;
- Do not scold your husband for trying to do something. “I didn’t do anything – I scolded, I started doing something – I still scold, so I won’t do anything.”
Conflicts in family life are inevitable. Otherwise it is not possible to say that it is political. The most important thing in a situation of a family quarrel is to remember mutual respect: avoid insults, thoughtful phrases, etc. The contact between the two is related to the drugs and the whole family.
In a healthy relationship, box lar psychotherapy – helps to relieve tension accumulated smos sough. Take advantage of the conflicts and remember that your youth can solve absolutely every house problem.