Today I will tell you how to deal with guys who are trying to shake your confidence and how to respond to provocations and ridicule in a company where girls are present.
How to respond to provocations in the team?
Has anyone teased you today?
Tried to put you in your place?
Was there a situation in which you felt like you were being deceived or made fun of?
Did someone manage to hurt your self-confidence?
This will be an unusual post as it
goes beyond the topic of the blog – seduction and chatting with girls. Rather, it is an
impulse to address you as simply a HUMAN, a man.
And I’m going to show you – right now
– how to destroy the most common game of “alpha male” between guys.
Social games between men
It was a letter that prompted me to write this article. It is much longer, I will give you an abbreviated version of it:
“In the past few months, I have noticed a problem
when communicating with guys, which is important – in the presence of girls. There always seems
to be one (sometimes two if it’s a large group) leader in a company. And
of course, the girls look at him. I confess that I also have a strong desire to be such a leader, but
I do not always succeed.
I’ll explain the problem. For example, I take responsibility for everyone and make some decision (where we will go or offer a new entertainment). And suddenly one of the guys tries to screw up my initiative, criticizing for petty reasons or making fun of me.
I am not particularly sensitive and vulnerable, but,
frankly, I often cannot hide the fact that this annoys me or annoys me
. For this reason, I cannot offer weighty arguments and outplay
this annoying person.
Here is a concrete example. Yesterday we had a meeting of incoming freshmen, I approached my group and asked the question of where they will distribute “student cards”?
As soon as I voiced the question, one of the guys said: “Are you gay?” And everyone laughed.
At first, I didn’t get too carried away, because I’m confident in myself, and I usually don’t let such stupid phrases confuse me. But when I laughed, rolled my eyes (like, “Oh, that’s bullshit!”), and asked the question again, he repeated the same thing again, only even louder, drawing out the “eee” in the word “gay”. And a group of guys started laughing at me again.
This time I got really pissed off, hopefully not too noticeable (at least for the guys). Besides, there were 2 girls and about 5 guys (so you get the best picture).
I knew that from the moment I got angry, I was already in a weak position, gave out a reaction to a provocation, tried to say something about his stupidity, but the peak of the situation had passed and it was no longer interesting to anyone.
So I just left, angry as hell, wondering why I didn’t hit him right there. Although, if you think about it, it wasn’t the best idea.
So my question is this: how do I respond to such provocations, how not to show my annoyance at ridicule? Well, and most importantly – how can I be a leader in the company, and not one that everyone makes fun of?
Ridicule and jokes in the company
And here is my answer.
Yes, among the communication of guys in a team there is
such a phenomenon when one tries to appear better, taller, stronger than others,
thus gaining leadership and showing off in front of the girls.
I remember that in my student years, some guys from the group attached leaflets with offensive and funny inscriptions to the backs of others with adhesive tape. They are almost weightless and not felt. The man walked like this, not suspecting anything, and everyone around laughed until some girl was filled with pity and took it off.
Such behavior does not make adults look good,
but it entertains others and gives entertainers a chance to become more popular.
But there is a cure for this
kind of social shaming, and it’s something you can
use right away to regain your inner peace and
Similar situations happen to men at any age. I have a neighbor at my dacha who does this sort of thing at our general meetings—turning in caustic comments for the other members speaking in public. Believe it or not, he’s already in his fifties.
You have to understand that these situations will come up all the time in groups, especially when guys want to impress girls.
And yes, getting angry and upset is a normal
human reaction to an uncomfortable situation that has arisen, you don’t
need to reproach yourself for this.
This is a universal game of strong and weak – if a person is weak, then he attacks someone stronger with veiled insults in order to lower his social value in the eyes of others and raise his own.
How to respond to provocations in the team?
“Regulations of pecking”
A typical mistake most guys make is to let their emotions take over and
in the way that is expected of you. However,
this only aggravates the situation and increases your anger and annoyance. This path takes
you aside, sorry, scumbags, over which everyone is allowed to joke.
I would like to tell you that we – “reasonable” people – overcame this kind of behavior 500 years ago, but we did not. (Women, by the way, also have their own “pecking rules”, no less offensive).
Yes, when the
the situation has already happened and you will scroll it again in your head, then
perhaps the ideal option will come to you, as you could parry or answer.
But it will be hard to come up with a reasonable excuse to come back and throw a witty
answer to put that person in his place.
This is also because your mind cannot be resourceful when you are in such an anxious state.
But is there a solution?
There is a STRATEGY for such situations, which can be prepared in advance
Here is the three-step strategy.
1. Arrow translation
In English there is a word “redirect”, which means “redirect”, this is exactly what I want
to show you. The essence of this method is not to block, but to “translate
When you’re in a company and someone rips off your “serious” question or suggestion, the more you stay serious or insist on getting things done while they’re teasing you, the dumber you’ll look.
In martial arts, when the opponent strikes
, the fighter is forced not to block or stop the blow, but to dodge to the
side. Since it is pointless to spend your strength on a meeting, and when
dodging and empty slipping blows, the enemy spends strength and exhales
By the way, this is the basic principle of aikido. If you’ve ever seen Steven Seagal in one of his early films like Marked for Death, then you can see this principle in action.
The same principles work in conversation. If
someone is mocking or making fun of you, you can’t beat them with:
“Yeah, ha ha,
okay, BUT seriously….”
Almost 90% of the time, when someone tries to “make” the conversation more serious, others use it as an opportunity to extend the joke further, because it gets funnier when there is resistance.
And you look like a fool…
You have probably seen or experienced this yourself
more than once.
This can be seen very clearly in the first Back to the Future movie, when George McFly (dad) is in the hallway at school, and he has a “kick me” sign on his back. He tries to get the guys to stop, but it irritates them even more, and he looks very pathetic.
So when you get into a situation with something like that, then blow out their energy with the power of confusion.
Here’s how it would work in terms of student ID cards:
Him: “Are you gay?”
You: “You’re an iguana.”
You: “That’s what they say about you.”
Then you turn to the right, to one of the guys who is the “silent follower” in this group – the one who will most likely just do as he is told – and immediately you ask him, looking into his eyes: “Bro, where are student cards handed out?
Now you already dominate, even if only
over one person from the group, but attention will be scattered and the joke will be
You have just destroyed the most
common game in “pecking rules”.
This is a deadly tactic against a group, because no
one in that group wants to be held individually responsible for the
prank of that upstart and provocateur.
And this method is easy, because even if you get confused, you can say random nonsense that pops into your head. Just let your scattered thoughts work for you.
It’s actually pretty cool! It is very
easy to decipher and destroy opponents in this game, as 99% of all
provocateurs do not have any social skills.
In addition, this strategy does a wonderful thing – it allows you to piss off your opponent and save face. You haven’t insulted him directly, so he can only continue and look worse for it. Try it.
You may now be interested in reading the article 10 signs of a real man (opens in a new fold).
Now for the next strategy.
How to respond to provocations in the team?
Expose his plan. Calmly, confidently, without emotions, and without
intention to humiliate.
You’re just voicing to everyone what
he’s doing, thereby destroying
his ability to make you look like a fool.
Him: “Yeah, but you’re
still gay…” (At the same time, trying desperately to laugh so as not to feel his
value declining. He looks uncertainly at his buddies one by one
to see what impresses them. Pity.)
You (trying to hold back a laugh): “Wow, that’s pretty smart. You’re trying to make others laugh at my expense.” (Immediately get a bright reaction): “Look, do not stop. It is necessary to raise your significance at the expense of others, otherwise, you will not be interesting to anyone!
And walk away laughing and shaking your head.
You can even wink at one of the
girls to let her know that you know
If you do this kind of thing every time – refusing to respond to a provocateur and acting on your own – then they will give up on you.
He is counting on you to get involved in
this social game. If you do not resist, but sound his cards,
then he does not have the energy and arguments to use them against you.
Assess the situation before
jumping into it. If you see that it is fraught with negative development, then avoid
Just like a trained fighter learns to recognize his opponent’s style and behavior, watch his strengths and avoid them.
If you see a mixed group coming
together, then be on the lookout. Especially
if you know what to expect from them.
I’m not saying avoid them, that would be social suicide. I only call for the ability to analyze the situation and predict development. If you master this habit, then you will learn to avoid, rather than resist and overcome such situations.
It’s like knowing the temperature of the water before jumping into it.
Who REALLY won?
We all know that the winner is not the one who
shouts and ridicules the departed.
Yes, you could respond to his “You are gay” with something
funny, a joke. For example:
Do you want to ask me out on a date? I’m not interested, buddy.”
But then you get into a brand new game of “Which of us is the smartest”. And that takes a lot of practice and skill.
Just turn off his breaker so the
other girls know who’s boss. In a verbal sense, of course.
It’s okay to get mad at guys like that who make fun of you, especially when you see the reaction of girls laughing at you. But it is not their fault that you are ridiculed in the company. This is the result of your reaction to their attacks.
A coach once explained to a reporter why his team lost. He pointed to guilt: “Due to the rain that started, this match was fatal for us.”
The reporter asked, “Didn’t it rain on the
other team as well?”
You must learn to “play” better than those others. Moreover, they do not know and do not possess the same verbal skills and knowledge as you do.
And it is not necessary to humiliate, insult, expose in an unsightly light or trample an opponent into the dirt. Use other win-win options, now you know how to respond to provocations, move forward as a winner.
Good luck. How to respond to provocations in the team?