How to understand that the ex-husband wants to return – advice from a psychologist, what to do. When a marriage breaks up, ex-spouses rarely remain on good terms. Indeed, most often parting is accompanied by mutual claims, the division of property, issues with children and other “charms” of life.
No in unrelated situations that are caused by people and people who live there. Moreover, sometimes the spouse realizes that he made a mistake and begins to make attempts to return everything back. Are you in front of me?
How to understand that the ex-husband wants to return?
This can happen almost immediately (just a few months after the divorce) or years later. There are many reasons for such behavior. Sometimes husbands begin to miss the previous family, become disappointed in new passions and suffer from loneliness.
Not always such a desire is completely sincere. No longer is the name of the day, as long as it is possible to see the woman:
- Often gets in touch.
Calls and messages in instant messengers that suddenly started are considered quite a clear sign, although before that nothing was heard from the spouse for a long time.
Most likely, he stepped on the throat of his pride and stopped waiting for you to take the first step towards reconciliation. This happens frequently. No one wants this, it’s nice to see that it’s nice.
However, a man who puts pressure on the psyche of his soulmate probably has a psychotype pathology (abuser, narcissus). And here you need to be extremely careful not to fall for the old trick.
- Remembers the past in a positive way.
If in your conversations, the ex-husband with palpable warmth in his voice begins to mention the events that took place in marriage (first date, pregnancy, walks, etc.), most likely, he has already begun to think about moving back.
So the man tries to remind the girl how good they used to be together. And it doesn’t matter for what reason you broke up, and how many negative moments there were. If the partners want to do this, it is necessary to keep the foot on the wall.
- Gives pity.
A very common male tactic. Many former spouses begin to complain about how difficult and lonely they are now. This is also evidenced by its crumpled appearance. Be careful, because pity is not good for anyone.
What to do if the ex wants to return?
- He talks about the children and their future.
Most often, this happens in the following vein: “I want our son/daughter to receive a good upbringing and grow up as a normal person, and this cannot be done in an incomplete family.” Mind you, it smacks of outright manipulation of a child. For many women, this is a weak point.
- Allegedly “accidentally” tries to meet with you.
If you now and then began to see your ex-husband either at a meeting with friends, or near a store or work, it means that he wants to remind himself and restore relations in this way. PARTNER Can pretend that the meeting happened quite by accident and even talk about fate.
- Tries to make a good impression.
If you divorced due to mistakes on the part of the man, he may try to restore the relationship by starting to demonstrate that he has changed for the better (quit drinking, started doing something at home, for example). No, this is not always true.
The best proof that the ex-spouse wants to return is a direct conversation and promises that now everything will definitely be different. Isn’t that what you’re doing? As practice shows, the minimum percentage of reunited families are happy.
When you can and cannot restore a relationship with an ex-husband?
This definitely needs to be decided by each woman in private. It is impossible to give universal recommendations for all people in general. From the point of view of psychology, you can try to restore the relationship if the former spouse:
- was compromised in connection with another woman under strange circumstances (There is a suspicion that he was set up to quarrel you);
- not personally involved in the divorce in any way (there were insurmountable circumstances such as financial trouble, interference from relatives, illness, or something else like that);
- he did not want to get a divorce, but the initiative came from your side, on now the situation has changed;
- real «повзрослел» in the moral plane, it is the same as that of the other people and in the same way as before;
- kept friendly contact with you (as they say, such people may well remain spouses).
On the other hand, the situation is different, so that the names of the subjects are unknown:
- the ex-spouse shows a sense of ownership (wants to return you only because he does not want to give you to another fan, and feelings have nothing to do with it);
- the presence of pathological addiction (alcoholism, drugs, gambling, kleptomania and further down the list);
- painful attachment of the former spouse (it is not normal when a man threatens suicide or puts pressure on a woman, just to get them back together);
- regular proven cheating;
- Former Spouse Claims Divorce Was Solely Because Of You (Typical Abuser Trick When Girl Constantly Feels Guilty).
What should a woman do if her ex-husband wants to return?
In the case of a small number of poles such as:
- No hurry to accept reshenie na emocyach.
First of all, you need to think with your head, not with your heart. Now a man can say anything at all, just to achieve what he wants. No, you shouldn’t fall for nice words. Warn your ex in advance that it will take a lot of time.
- Remember all the pros and cons.
Against the background of beautiful words of a man, negative moments are often forgotten, and this is absolutely impossible to do. Only by fact rukoprikladstva or regular insults, don’t let it splurge.
- It is not necessary to understand the meaning of the details of the material used.
Often, ex-husbands begin to manipulate children or money. But becoming dependent on a returned spouse is the worst thing you can imagine. Believe me, children will not appreciate such a feat if you are still unhappy in such a union.
- Don’t blame anyone and don’t start debriefing over again.
It is possible and necessary to analyze old mistakes together. But to make someone the absolute reason for parting is at least pointless. By facts in the location. Now history can begin in a new way. No stoit li to take some steps, it depends on you.
- Try to do something together.
Do not rush to start living with your ex-spouse and immediately plunge into the life from which you both once fled. This might be too much of an ordeal. Try going on a date together or taking the kids for a couple.
- No priority blisco to the recommendation of rodents.
It’s not that long ago, that’s what you need to know about your mother, dads, aunts and uncles on both sides. This is only your life and exclusively your decision, which should not depend on other people’s whims and wishes.
When an ex-husband wants to return, this does not mean at all that he has realized everything and is ready to meet you halfway. Most often, wounded pride and jealousy simply play in a man. Therefore, think carefully about whether to give a person a second chance.