What is moral treason and how to respond to it? Most of our fellow citizens in the vast majority of cases are inclined to mistake sexual contacts on the side for treason. But, some of them believe that treason does not consist only in an intimate relationship with an outsider man (woman) and the essence of this concept is much deeper than many people think. The thing is that treason can be virtual, so to speak, that is, it can occur on a subconscious level. So what is included in the concept of “emotional betrayal” and how to accurately distinguish it, without confusing it with a strong and close friendship.
By the way, often an incomprehensible attraction that has appeared in relation to, say, a new employee who has appeared in the office can often be positioned under emotional betrayal. Just a few words on duty during an acquaintance and it seems that you have known this person all your life, you have a lot in common (areas of interest, hobbies, the same culinary preferences, cinematic interests).
Starting a new relationship?
When you meet a new employee (a waiter in a restaurant, a pizza delivery man, a trainer in a fitness club), you immediately understand that you have found a truly kindred spirit – a person with whom you seem to have known all your life. But, at the same time, there is one, one might say, difficulty. You already have a beloved “soulmate” and you are not at all going to break off the existing relationship, having assigned the status of a true friend to a new acquaintance (familiar). Only now, as they say, you can’t command the heart. And there, somewhere in the depths of the soul, the person himself already understands that these relations are not entirely friendly, and to be more precise, they are not at all friendly – this is something much stronger and more.
At the same time, you are not ready to part with your partner and plunge headlong into the sea of new love (or maybe you think that you are not going to). Keeps from physical betrayal of a loved one (beloved) thin, almost imperceptible line. It’s just that they’ll hold on so as not to cross it is very, very difficult, since the thought of sex has already settled in my head.
What is emotional betrayal?
The concept of “emotional betrayal” in itself perfectly conveys the essence of the issue. That is, the feeling of kinship with a certain person can be called a feeling of some kind of closeness. Moreover, intimacy is not only on the verbal, but also on the physical level (even at the moment when there is no talk of sex yet). Also, betrayal on a subconscious level is accompanied by a sense of security and safety.
So, the line separating friendship and love is almost invisible. The only difference, in fact, can be called the absence of certain chemical processes in the body (those that are popularly called the feeling of falling in love). As soon as lust arises between “friends”, friendship in the blink of an eye is transformed into true love and, accordingly, treason. Only at this stage it does not happen at all on an emotional level.
In most cases, such relationships are accompanied by flirting and innocent jokes. The latter, over time, become more and more frank, relieving tension, they contribute to an even greater physical rapprochement of the couple. Many in such cases note for themselves another interesting fact – during sexual fun with their partner, thoughts hover around the “emotional friend”. This adds passion and incomprehensible sweet languor to sex.
Is “subconscious betrayal” comfortable?
It is not surprising that emotional infidelity is a comfortable state for a couple. Light flirting without kisses and intimacy cheers up, gives a feeling of comfort and tranquility. Very often, a couple begins to share with each other the detailed details of their “legitimate” relationship, while complaining about certain difficulties in them. In most cases, the partner at the same time begins to advise ways to resolve possible conflicts that begin, and gives the impression of “his own”, such an understanding and dear person.
The first sprouts of lies
Emotional betrayal, in contrast to strong friendship, is distinguished by the appearance of secrecy and deception in a relationship with a regular partner. It is unlikely that anyone, whether male or female, will go into detail, telling their loved one the details of conversations with their best friend or the fact how much time you devote to communicating with him. That is, by and large, he begins to deceive his soulmate, and the deception itself directly indicates that love does not bring complete satisfaction, and the distance between lovers increases day by day.
A test to determine if a new relationship is cheating
To be more precise, this is not even a test, but a series of questions, answering which honestly, you can determine what exactly is happening and how to classify relationships. Call them friendship or betrayal on a subconscious level.
- Who would be the first to tell about all the important events that have taken place in life – a permanent partner or “best friend”?
- Are “problems” in a love relationship discussed with a friend?
- Are the details of communication with a friend hidden from a regular partner?
- Does it seem that a friend understands and feels you more than a partner?
- Are SMS messages coming from a friend hiding from a loved one?
- Are sexual jokes present in friendships?
- Do you occasionally have sexual fantasies about a “friend”?
- With whom do you want to “go out” more often (restaurant, disco, art exhibition) – with a friend or a loved one?
It is better to write down all questions on paper and, having sincerely answered them, compare the results. If the answers to most questions turn out to be positive, then we are definitely talking about betrayal on an emotional level.
The sequence of correct actions
If, after answering all the questions of the test, you nevertheless decided that it is emotional betrayal that is happening right now, then be honest to the end, at least with yourself, and not just with a new (or not very new) friend. After all, everything, absolutely everything that happens in any relationship should be based on trust and mutual understanding.
It is worth considering why such a close friendship has not yet led to so-called friendly sex? Why in the first place there is trust in a friend, and not in a loved one? What exactly is missing in a relationship with a permanent partner?
Sexologists have long noted the presence of dynamics in any, even the strongest relationship. And even then, positive or negative dynamics, depends directly on the couple itself. This is quite normal. It is also normal to read that constant and rather close communication with a loved one (on the one hand, this is very good) has one negative feature. The couple gets so used to each other that they do not consider it necessary to share the most intimate with partners, realizing in advance what the reaction to what will be said will be.
That is why it is much easier and more interesting to talk about events in life to a true friend. If a relationship with a regular partner is important to you, finding a way out of this situation is quite simple – start communicating with your loved one again. Discuss the films you watched together or one by one, the books you read, what is happening at work. Pay attention to the satellite’s changed interests and talk, talk, talk.
If the method doesn’t work
But, unfortunately, the method of reviving the former communication does not always work. In this case, you need to frankly “talk” with yourself. This will help you figure out whether to keep playing love or whether it would be much better for everyone to break up with a past partner and start a new relationship with that very “best friend”.
It is very difficult to make such a decision, but, nevertheless, this is the only correct way out of this situation. It is worth once again paying attention to the fact that sincerity in relationships with a partner and with oneself is the most important component of a stable and strong relationship.
The traumatic factor of emotional betrayal
Studies conducted by scientists from the University of Texas proved that the traumatic factor of emotional betrayal is no less than that of physical betrayal, especially when it comes to the perception of the problem from the point of view of female psychology.
These data were obtained from a survey of 400 male and female volunteers. At the same time, not only sex was considered as physical treason, but also hugs with innocent kisses. As for emotional betrayal, everything looks much more complicated here. It can mean:
- Unrealized feeling of love;
- Intimate friendship on an emotional level.
These surveys have confidently proved that the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity regard emotional and physical betrayal in exactly the same way. Moreover, often emotional intimacy for women is much more important than physical intimacy, and that is why emotional betrayal is perceived by them much more acutely.
Therefore, they react so sharply to the fact that their loved one opens up to his new girlfriend more than to herself. Thus, she is simply jealous of her rival, who has taken her place in frank conversations with her loved one.
Is such a change invisible?
Many of those who have such a close friendship with a new acquaintance (acquaintance) do not see anything reprehensible in it (the concept of “emotional betrayal” is simply not considered by them). But, to a loved one (if any), the charm of a new friend is very well seen from the outside. That is, by and large, he sees the fact that his personal space is completely filled with a stranger to their relationship. This one is unequivocally regarded primarily as a betrayal and, accordingly, as a betrayal.
The most difficult thing in this situation is that the spouse (wife) has no right to demonstrate either their indignation, or, even more so, a sense of jealousy. What can be claims to friendly relations. The maximum that can be limited is grumbling and growing dissatisfaction with the partner, which, by the way, is also very bad. Over time, this turn of events will inevitably lead to a complete break in relations.
Consequences of “silent defense”
Not all spouses who consider themselves deceived demonstrate their jealousy, as they say, openly. Most prefer to choose the tactics of “deaf defense”. But, it also does not bring positive results, causing constant quarrels and growing alienation from a permanent partner.
The most difficult thing in such a situation is that the “changer” begins to experience a feeling of incredible rage due to the attacks of jealousy of his permanent partner. So says Professor Wendy Lustbader of the University of Washington. It turns out that the spouses are as if in two parallel realities. One of them feels abandoned and deceived, the second thinks that the freedom of his personal actions is under threat. This leads to the fact that the second partner rushes into all serious trouble and in most cases actually translates betrayal on an emotional level into physical intimacy.
It is at such moments that it begins to seem to a man that the “girlfriend” is an ideal life partner. And we are talking about absolutely all aspects. Against this background, his own wife definitely looks like an angry, squabbley and inadequate bazaar woman.
Is it possible to break the vicious circle
If deep down there still remains a feeling of kinship with a permanent partner, it is worth trying to break the vicious circle. It is almost impossible to do this on your own; it is best to seek qualified help from a psychotherapist. In general terms, experts advise:
- Break a new friendship at the first hint that it hurts and offends the feelings of a permanent partner;
- Explain to your loved one the groundlessness of jealousy in a calm, and best of all, romantic atmosphere;
- If there is something in “friendship” that is missing in the legal half, talk about it, most likely the situation will change for the better.
These recommendations in most cases lead to a positive result, but, unfortunately, they cannot be called a panacea. In some cases, in order to maintain love, you will have to reject friendships and completely stop all communication with a new acquaintance.
What is moral treason and how to respond to it?