When Does Unrequited Love Happen? Unrequited love is almost a mandatory life lesson. It is difficult to find someone who has never passed it. This is a dual feeling that causes inspiration, but torments you with pain, expectation, empty hope, sometimes the unknown. However, such love comes most often to the “chosen ones”. Who can be attributed to them? What are the best thoughts to avoid? How to act if a non-reciprocal passion has come? And is it always love?
When does unrequited love happen?
She can come to absolutely anyone. It does not matter what his income, status, orientation, gender, past-future. But unrequited feelings “stick” to a certain type of people especially often and firmly. To save yourself from constant torment, it is important to understand why this happens at all. Who falls into the “risk zone” more often than others?
1. Psychological trauma.
Serious shocks from the past or just a bad experience make people withdraw into themselves, obsessing over the problem. If psychological trauma is not worked out enough in a psychologist’s office, or at least in a friend’s kitchen (in a friend’s garage) over a glass of red (a glass of foam), she will pursue it further.
You can not even guess about the presence of some kind of problem within yourself, since it is not always obvious or causes a lot of difficulties. But it is enough to stumble upon at least a remotely similar situation, in the subconscious mind, a light bulb immediately goes off: “Come on, now you will fall in love with a completely wrong person and ruin the next six months of your life.”
2. Low self-esteem.
Dislike, disrespect for yourself is like a school joke. The one where the main character, imperceptibly for himself, clings to his back a piece of paper with the inscription “Kick me!”. The inability to appreciate oneself at its true worth is just as immediately evident.
People who are unsure of their abilities often fall in love with those who are not able to fully see them, hear them, notice them at all. They quietly surreptitiously observe the object of sighs, not even daring to speak to him until he finds a mate. The result: a broken heart, long-suffering, self-humiliation.
When Does Unrequited Love Happen?
3. Irresponsibility.
This includes individuals who do not like to take responsibility or are afraid to do so. Decisiveness is clearly not one of their advantages.
Love without reciprocity can be beneficial, because it does not ask you to change, work on yourself, as a relationship requires. You don’t need to be responsible for your couple, try for the sake of a common future, arrange dates, get to know your parents, think about joint housing. It is much easier to do nothing at all, to sigh bitterly, feel sorry for yourself. Often, at the same time, such people are also indignant, angry at their passions because they do not want to just reciprocate.
4. Problems in the family.
The absence of an example of a healthy happy family can also cause frequent unresponsiveness. If the parents/guardians do not have a strong trusting relationship, the child will have a hard time. And where will ideas about love, romance, intimacy come from? That’s right, from movies, books, advertisements, friends’ stories, etc.
In all these resources, love is portrayed distortedly. Tantrums in TV shows are almost the only way to express dissatisfaction. The novels describe such a confusing set of emotions that a real person is physically unable to feel them. Plus, it’s full of imagery. All families in television advertisements are always joyful, happy, smiling, their problems are solved in a minute.
It can be easy to fall into the trap of one-sided love due to the misunderstanding of happiness in a relationship.
5. Fear of change.
Some individuals react very hard to changes, especially unexpected ones. They are afraid to make a choice, change their habitual way of life, take the initiative. And the new partner and the relationship with him is essentially a coup.
Girls are worried that they will have to cook more often, take better care of themselves, in general, be more economic, feminine. The guys are afraid that with the advent of a couple they will have to spend money that needs to be earned somehow. They are afraid that they will not be able to cope with the role of a “getter”.
Fear of change drives a person into a mode of endless reflection and expectation. And life, meanwhile, does not stop in the hope that someone will still muster up the courage.
When Does Unrequited Love Happen?
6. Lack of inner harmony.
“I don’t know what I want” is a fairly common reason why people can’t find a good partner. They try all-new options, not fully understanding why they need it at all. Such individuals often do not have clear goals in life. They rarely think about what drives them, what future they want for themselves. Their uncertainty prevents them from living themselves, their loved ones, new acquaintances.
Serious relationships and mutual love require specifics. Converge and create families of those who have similar views on life. And among the “losers”, the worldview is most often not formed, therefore they attract exactly the same “vague” persons to themselves.
3 false thoughts about non-reciprocal love.
“My love is enough for two”
Phrase-self-deception, wrapped in a beautiful candy wrapper. What does “I will love for two” mean? In fact, this is a rejection of the desire, the need to be loved. If the object of adoration is nearby, that’s enough. So?
Obviously not. A lover is not a collector, and his passion is not a figurine, which is enough to put on a shelf to periodically shake off the dust from it. One presence will not be enough, you will want more – hugs, kisses, intimacy, family in the full sense of the word.
This is a phrase of despair, an extreme, designed to get at least a drop of attention. It does not exclude the hope of reciprocity. On the contrary, it only increases the emotional “hunger”, forcing you to ask for more and more.
When Does Unrequited Love Happen?
“It’s time for intrigue and magic”
Some, especially desperate people, not having achieved reciprocity, decide to use alternative methods – love spells, lapels, fortune-telling, rituals, conspiracies, and other dubious methods. Less superstitious begin to plot, weave intrigues, resort to blackmail, manipulation, and other psychological tricks.
Question one: a what should this lead to?? Does a loved one suddenly fear, indifference, negativity in some mystical way turn into true love? Or will it all end with the fact that selfishness and disrespect for someone else’s freedom will spoil the relationship in any case?
Any way to forcefully fall in love with yourself ends in failure or a dead end. They are meaningless, so is it worth wasting your time on them?
“If I become his/her ideal, I will be loved”
Women study football teams and standings, dye their hair, twist their legs ten times a day, because “he likes high heels.” Guys collapse from exhaustion in gyms, change haircuts, spend money on unnecessary whims, because she believes that “a man should.”
These changes in and of themselves are not bad… But a huge minus is that they are all done not at will, but for the sake of someone else. Moreover, it is not a fact that this someone, in principle, will notice or appreciate the efforts.
“Breaking” yourself into another person is a useless tactic. Because of it, a ton of complexes accumulate, health deteriorates, and the expected result never comes. Because individuals who themselves float into the hands are not valued by others. They don’t even command basic respect.
When Does Unrequited Love Happen?
How to experience love without reciprocity?
When a lover sees his couple, touches her, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins begin to be produced in his body. Often adrenaline is added to them. The brain very quickly sits down on them. If access to a hormonal cocktail is abruptly cut off, “withdrawal” begins.
The best way out of a protracted unpleasant period is to offer a replacement for the brain. And not just any will do. For example, alcohol, overeating or addiction to sweets, out of control shopping give fleeting joy. But they also cause obvious harm. But the following three actions can get rid of emotional dependence without compromising health.
1. Communication.
The fewer people around, the more important each of them. If a person has many friends, colleagues, relatives with whom he often communicates, it will be much easier for him to go through a difficult stage.
New acquaintances for the sake of communication will not interfere. Each person you meet will create a new mixture of hormones. Moreover, it can turn out to be much better than the one that has developed for the object of sympathy.
2. Travel.
Tourism is change, getting rid of routine, beautiful landscapes, new experiences. It is also dating, memorable photos, wonderful experiences, memories. They look for themselves, their vocation, study the culture, languages of other peoples, develop. It is even difficult to imagine how many hormones of joy and satisfaction are produced in the body of a traveler.
Of course, not everyone has the opportunity to immediately break away and rush to conquer other countries. But this is not a reason to abandon this method. It is enough sometimes to be in nature, to visit unfamiliar corners of your settlement, to look into neighboring ones. You can have picnics, go to museums, galleries, parks, beaches, filling life, and Instagram with new events.
3. Overcoming fears.
The most difficult, but very useful step. This is a real shake-up for the brain, which in an instant will not leave a trace of love suffering. Skydiving, buying diving fins, or running around town dressed as Adam/Eve are not the only ways to get your adrenaline pumping. You can start with something simpler:
- fear of the public – performance with a humorous number in front of friends, presentation of a work plan (report, new idea) in front of colleagues;
- complexes about appearance Enrolling in a gym or dance club, going to a salon, changing your usual style;
- dependence on the opinions of others – creating a creative channel or blog on YouTube, speaking at a literary evening;
- fear of heights – Riding a Ferris wheel with a friend, dinner with a company on the roof of the house, etc.
Maximum diversity is what is needed during this period. A great way to get rid of unnecessary feelings is to fill every minute of life so that there is no time to think about difficult experiences.
Is it love at all?
Love is humility, calmness, warmth. She is always welcome, she is perceived as a gift, does not interfere with life. On the contrary, it paints everything with new colors, gives strength, inspiration, and sometimes courage.
If unrequited feelings cause pain, suffering, most likely it is only love. And it is based on hormones, idealization, blindness, superficial attachment. And this is the biggest plus, since simple love disappears over time, which cannot be said about true love. In this case, it is enough to make a little effort – and happiness will return again.
Unrequited love consists not only of experiences, tears. It is also an amazing creative potential, a valuable life lesson, even a stage of self-development. If you accept it, it will turn into a mild melancholy rather than an all-time tragedy. To do this, it is enough not to forget about yourself, the world around you, people, to use new opportunities.
When Does Unrequited Love Happen?
