Sweaty hands, shortness of breath, and a big stone in the stomach – although you find your date personable and interesting, it can happen that you are extremely nervous before the first meeting.
No reason to panic! In this article, we’ll show you 11 specific tips on how to get your anxiety under control.
What helps against panic fear of the first date?
Keep Calm! Realize that there is absolutely no need to panic. Because: someone who goes on a date with you really wants to get to know you. So with the first impression, you did everything right. You are on the same page!
Of course, you now have high expectations of the meeting and above all of yourself. Everything should be perfect and in the end, you ride into the sunset. In doing so, you raise your hopes so high that disappointment is inevitable.
You get entangled in what can go wrong until you can no longer see the forest for the trees.
Fear of the unknown is a normal and healthy human emotion. It is a useful companion that warns us of situations that could be dangerous for us.
This mechanism was extremely useful in the Stone Age. But if your date isn’t exactly a saber-toothed tiger, now is the time to reprogram your subconscious a little!
Tips for the first date can be found on the Internet like a dime a dozen. Most of the time, however, these tricks only relate to the time during the meeting. They won’t help you if you’re nervous and want to cancel the entire appointment.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
To prevent panic and fear from preventing you from reaching your goals, we want to show you three things in this article:
- How to build realistic expectations for the first date.
- How to overcome your fear
- First aid when fears are riding a roller coaster in your head.
This is how you prepare perfectly for the first meeting.
1. Ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen?
Suppose there is no meteorite falling on the café during the date – what can go wrong in the worst case?
Maybe when you check out you realize that you don’t have any money with you. Or your pants burst open at the back when you sit on a park bench while taking a walk.
Or, or, or …
Even if one of these supposed worst-case scenarios occurs: will any of them still be important in five years? Is it still important in a year?
Either you and your date are on the same wavelength or not.
If it doesn’t click, you’ll never see each other again. What have you got to lose?
2. What can happen at best?
Instead, think about whatever you can possibly gain. A positive mindset is not only the key to success in love.
If you don’t always focus on what can go wrong, you start to see opportunities everywhere.
Learn that every experience will help you move forward in life. Also and especially those who scare you a little at first.
3. Control your thoughts
If your thoughts are in a panic carousel again, take a deep breath and list three specific things that are going well in your life right now.
Don’t let your brain fool you that you are heading for an all-or-nothing situation. Even if you screw up the meeting completely, everything goes on as normal afterward.
Your happiness in life does not depend on this one date. Always keep in mind what you’ve already achieved.
4. Think about how the conversation can go
You may be afraid that while on the date you won’t know what to talk about. Remember: “Those who are interested in others are interesting”! Ask questions and listen carefully (!).
Open questions keep the conversation going. These are questions that cannot be answered with yes or no.
However, if there is an awkward silence, use the break to take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and smile at your date. This will release the tension and you can even practice it beforehand.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Listen carefully.
- Take a deep breath and smile.
5. Prepare topics for conversation
If you don’t want to sit out an awkward silence, think about a few safe topics to talk about before your meeting. Anyone can answer questions about hobbies, favorite recipes, or past vacations.
Your counterpart will probably even be grateful if you toss him or her a simple conversation ball. You can always talk about your own preferences, even if you really want to run away from nervousness.
Discussions about ex-partners and past relationships are absolutely taboo at the first meeting.
Your new date is not your therapist and will notice it right away if you are just looking for someone to comfort you over your ex!
Issues such as sexual preferences and the desire to have children are also fundamentally far too personal.
6. Choose the environment wisely!
If, despite tips 4 and 5, you are still afraid that you will run out of topics to talk about, spontaneously suggest a short trip to your date.
Much of the panic before the first meeting arises because one is afraid of the “interview”. But there are alternatives to the tough question-and-answer session in the café!
How about, for example, if you meet up for mini-golf? When playing (and laughing!) It is easier to talk to each other.
Even if you’re nervous about not getting a sound out of it, doing some activity together is a great way to show your date how much fun you can be.
7. Radiance is everything!
Confidence makes you sexy. Unfortunately, it also works the other way around. If you are insecure and fearful, your charisma will suffer as well.
But that doesn’t mean that your performance has to be ripe for the red carpet. Even if you are rather calm or even shy, you can appear confident.
Focus on keeping yourself straight and upright at all times. Hanging shoulders and crossed arms give your counterpart the impression that you would actually rather be somewhere else.
Breathe in and out deeply and speak in a slow, firm voice. Don’t be afraid to take a moment before answering.
These tips also work best if you practice them regularly in everyday life. So you can start right away!
8. The perfect outfit – more than just clothes
Do you also have a whole closet full of nothing to wear? Think about your favorite outfit in good time so that everything is freshly washed for the big day.
An outfit is not perfect because it is particularly new, expensive or trendy – but because YOU feel like the best version of yourself in it.
If you are very nervous, refrain from experiments. Nothing is worse than noticing at the meeting that the label on the stylish new shirt pinches you terribly, or that the new shoes squeak uncomfortably with every step …
9. The fine-tuning for a grand entrance
Plan the day of the date so that you have enough time beforehand to prepare yourself. A long shower and thorough brushing (with floss!) Are the bare minimum.
Better yet, pay a little attention to your hair and fingernails as well. Nobody likes a greasy approach, split ends, and black edges under their nails.
Under no circumstances should you use strongly scented deodorants or perfumes! Most of the time you don’t even notice these scents in yourself – others do so even more.
If you give yourself and your body attention and care, you will also go into the date calmer and more relaxed. When you feel comfortable in your skin, your charisma is transformed magically!
10. Be busy before the meeting – no matter how.
Especially if you only meet in the evening, the hours of the date can be very, very long. Plenty of time to get into panicked thoughts. You absolutely have to avoid that!
If you still have time besides work, give yourself a good workout. It doesn’t matter whether you’re doing sports, cleaning, or secretly going out to your favorite music at home.
When you exert yourself physically and get your heart rate up, your body releases happiness hormones. For this, stress hormones are broken down, sweating is regulated and your resting heart rate is slower and more stable afterward. The perfect preliminary program for the actual preparation!
11. Do a thought experiment
Imagine your date is just as nervous as you are.
Palpitations, sweaty hands, and a queasy feeling in the stomach. Panicked last-minute shopping trips after the perfect appearance. Loss of appetite, anxiety attacks, and trouble falling asleep.
Doesn’t that sound pretty exaggerated to you?
After all, it’s just about getting to know each other! You would try to cheer the other up and find calming words. Not that bad.
Your date also only boils with water. Exactly like you! Write this down on a piece of paper and read it through again and again until your subconscious has internalized it.
Similar questions
Afraid of meeting an Internet acquaintance for the first time?
Disappointing blind dates are more the rule than the exception. At least if you set up the most beautiful castles in the air before the first meeting with the dream man or woman. Unfortunately, the reality is often very different. Therefore, only meet in public for the first time and it is best to set a fixed time frame, for example, one hour.
Afraid of the first date because of obesity?
Don’t let the media fool you into thinking that you are not beautiful and lovable because of the way you look. An overwhelming amount of men and women don’t want to wake up next to an Instagram model, they want to wake up next to a real person. A person with rough edges – or just rolls and folds.
Conclusion
Perfectly prepared, you can calmly look forward to the first meeting with your new crush. With a few little tricks, you can easily keep panic at bay. Always remember: Everyone has a bit of stage fright!
How did you feel before your last date? Have you ever stood in your own way with excitement?
