Disgust for her husband – why does his wife feel him and what to do? “The Oní got married and lived happily ever after,” is how all good fairy tales end. The heroes went through all the tests of their love, sacrificed themselves for the sake of their loved ones, and came to a happy end – But if in a fairy tale a wedding is a happy ending, then in the life of people who get married – this is just the beginning.
What is reality?
And in reality, when the honeymoon ends and “workdays” begin, the newlyweds plunge into. And now the flowers are not every day, but only on holidays. And your lover not only stops complimenting, and sometimes simply does not notice what you are wearing.
And you see sweatpants stretched out on your knees, three-day stubble and socks scattered under the bed.
And a person who until recently aroused your admiration, desire, suddenly becomes not only not interesting, but also more. What happened? Why are we changing like this?
Before the wedding, there were dreams of a wonderful life, after it, disappointments came. As one client said at a psychologist’s appointment: “I dreamed of my boudoir with white furniture and a wine-colored carpet, where I lie in a negligee on a huge bed covered with fur. And in the dining room for lunch, borscht is always served in a tureen. And it turned out to be a small, albeit comfortable sofa in a cramped bedroom, on which I fall at the end of the day from fatigue. And the husband sometimes eats borscht just with a ladle from the pan.
The girl from the role of a princess falls into the state of a servant, a beautiful life has dissolved like a morning mist, family worries, dirty dishes, a change of diapers for a baby have gone.
And if during the candy-flower period our body produced hormones of pleasure that accompany passion, then after six months of living together, their production stops. Of course, love cannot be reduced to chemical reactions occurring in the Organism, but their impact cannot be underestimated either. So what is the reason for mutual cooling or even impatience?
Causes of marital impatience
What makes living together happy? Po Po marriages are the most reliable. It turns out that most Muslim marriages are made by agreement between the parents of the groom and the bride. And families close in status and worldview agree with each other.
And in Africa there are tribes where a girl is given to her husband’s future family at the age of seven, she grows up with other children, learns about life, gets used to family values, and when she reaches puberty, she marries, but her life does not change much.
How to improve relationships at the stage of disgust?
- The first reason for marital impatience may be completely different values of two living people.
When People Experience passion, they try not to hurt another, fulfill any desires of a partner, while butterflies flutter in their stomachs. But the passion passed, but the habits, rules and norms learned in their families remained. And if people do not try to create their own family constitution, then discord is not far off.
- The second reason can be safely called the consumer attitude towards each other.
The time of consumers is manifested in all areas, including love. What does this mean? A person in love wants to “take”, not “give”. And when the object of love loses its attractiveness, and even flashes in front of you every day, then what of the nevy?
Erich Fromm, in The Art of Love, described consumer relationships in such a way that “two people fall in love when they feel that they have found the best object available on the market, taking into account the boundaries of their own exchange fund.”
All the great writers, trying to understand the structure of love, noted that the main thing in love is the ability to give. As Romain Rolland said Delightfully in Le Enchanted: “A soul rich in love dies if it cannot feed the hungry. Giving! Always give yourself all!
- The third reason for the manifestation of intolerance is a personality crisis.
To rethink the past, to think.
When a crisis occurs in a woman, she may think that she has lost her attractiveness, “she gave all her beauty to this”, that she could never, even in nightmares, imagine herself a “servant”.
In a man, a personality crisis can manifest itself in the fact that he becomes sloppy, feeling his failure, often drinking alcohol, pointlessly “staring” at the TV.Such a man is unlikely to arouse desire in a woman.
But every crisis ends, and if the right conclusions are made, life moves to a new stage.
So, what to do if you do not experience the same feelings for your husband?
How to behave if the husband became disgusted?
Even in His Treatise on Love, the Great Stendhal wrote that when people are in love, even the external shortcomings of the other can cause awe in the soul. And the “rowanberry” on the face of a loved one can cause delight and tenderness. No word is given, and you don’t want to worry about it, and it will be different.
But if after six months of coexistence the passion has passed, you can create love yourself, create it from the heart. On it is not a budget for the bezumnoy and the sum of all things, as well as the romance of the word, and the French and the candy cane. If the result of living together is a well-built relationship, then feelings will arise again.
“When two embers come close, they warm each other. With enough power, a flame breaks out between them, ”Psychologist Nikolai Kozlov wrote in his book“ how to treat yourself and people.
What tips can help, you ask? Before giving advice, let’s agree that people who are married love and respect each other. Because if only consumer relations existed between people, then when the desired product has lost its attractiveness, no advice can save such a marriage. Emptiness breeds only emptiness.
So, we have a healthy family, but at a certain period of life, suddenly the beloved man became disgusting to the woman, and she does not want closeness with him.
- Every woman experiences hormonal fluctuations in her life.
This is done by the weather conditions and rods, and in the period of climate. Not to mention even the banal monthly cycles. This greatly affects the sexual desires of women.
There are women who simply hate the entire male sex before the onset of the “red days of the calendar.” If the period of disgust for intimacy with a husband occurs on such critical days, then it is worth telling the husband directly about this so that he treats with understanding.
- Another reason for a woman’s reluctance to have intimate relationships may be a lack of trust in intimate relationships.
If at the beginning of a relationship, attraction is as natural as sunrise, then in the future, it takes time and skill to enjoy intimacy. You should inform your husband about what you like and dislike and jointly find options for intimate relationships that bring the greatest pleasure to both partners.
- If you have an identity crisis.
In this case, it is best to retire, read psychological literature. Or go to an exhibition with a close friend, have a party for girls. Meditation and any other sports activities help well.
- If everything is tired, and intimacy has become something ordinary and therefore undesirable.
You can take a vacation with your husband, leave your children with your grandmother, enjoy the rest together. Again try to arouse each other’s interest in order to reveal new facets of their personality. Only the development of relationships helps to awaken mature sexuality in partners.
All these tips are good only in mature relationships, when there is dialogue and mutual understanding between the spouses.
“—And I heard that true love is when you suffocate from passion.
— Net. True love is when you suffocate with tenderness.