How to love a person and is it worth it? A permanent partner suddenly became like a stranger, and feelings for him gradually, but surely subside? Or perhaps a good person appeared on the horizon who fell in love, but there are no serious feelings for him? However, at the same time, I want love to be mutual, because there is already a worthy candidate for love experiences. Only here, nothing “yokes” inside. How to love someone? Can you really control your feelings? And most importantly – is it really necessary to do this?
1. Take a sober look at the personality.
Usually, the object of the desire to fall in love becomes a person who seems almost perfect or expresses true love, care, support. Its disadvantages either go unnoticed, or are stubbornly ignored, downplayed. However, this is an illusory view. If you look at such a person objectively, it turns out that many factors have been overlooked. There will also be an understanding that this person is a stranger.
To test this theory, you can conduct a small experiment. For this you will need:
- take a pen and a blank sheet, draw it in half;
- write out the pluses of the guy / girl in the left column, the minuses in the right column;
- opposite each quality, write at least two examples from real life when these traits were actually confirmed.
It may be surprising to note that it is not possible to select situations for all properties. This means that a person was endowed with invented qualities and he does not correspond to the created image. Better to try to get to know him first. Understanding his “earthiness” will contribute to rapprochement.
How to love a person and is it worth it?
2. Fix positive associations.
Part of the hormones that are produced in the body during joy, satisfaction, a sense of happiness, euphoria, also appear during falling in love. In this case, the brain does not fully recognize the cause of their release. If you constantly experience positive emotions in the presence of an inseparably in love person, they will soon begin to be associated with him. The reverse process will start – hormones will be released as soon as this person is nearby.
Therefore, the task of one who is trying to develop love in himself is to have fun together. Going to the cinema, amusement parks, museums, and other interesting places will soon turn into love.
3. Find something in common.
So that the couple can, in principle, communicate without problems, it is advisable to find something that will seriously bring partners together. Enthusiasm for some common activity will develop into a passion for each other.
It is important to make sure that the interest is really mutual, exciting to the same extent for both familiar. If one does something just to please the other, there will be no positive shift. The same is true if both like the business, but one sees in it almost the passion of a lifetime, and the second is just another way to pass the time.
4. Have confidential conversations.
The communicative component is often underestimated. In vain, because it is he who perfectly brings together even opposite people in character or interests. Most of all, conversations about the personal, intimate help in this direction. It’s talking about:
- fears, feelings, phobias;
- shame, embarrassment, ridiculous incidents from the past;
- painful experience, psychological trauma, failures;
- childhood memories, the family as a whole;
- secret desires, dreams.
This does not mean that you will only have to communicate on such topics, but the fact that they cannot be avoided is a fact.
5. Get as close as possible.
This does not mean sex, but tactile contact, frequent meetings, and, if possible, living together. When one person becomes part of the daily rituals of another, attachment develops between people. And if, after such a rapprochement, one of these two leaves, interrupts the chain, the other begins to experience his lack. Although before that there could only be irritation.
It is still undesirable to forcibly and abruptly join each other’s daily schedule. But a smooth gradual rapprochement will be beneficial.
How to love a person and is it worth it?
6. Look out for jealousy.
If the previous point succeeds, you can proceed to this one. It is not at all necessary to love a person in order to be jealous of him at the same time. However, for some reason, jealousy itself is associated with serious experiences for many. In fact, it is based on a sense of ownership, on the fear of losing something familiar. And these are changes that are hard to accept. To evoke this emotion, it is enough to use several of the following methods:
- imagine a person hugging or kissing someone else;
- imagine him refusing to spend time together because he is going to meet someone else;
- fantasize that he will fall in love with someone else, disappear from the life of the one he loves now;
- consider the possibility of his betrayal, or at least flirting with someone on the side.
If everything is fine with the imagination, a tangible effect can be achieved after a few minutes of practice.
7. Get rid of old attachments.
Sometimes the reason for not falling in love with a new person is love for someone from the past. Indeed, it is unlikely that you will be able to work out serious experiences in yourself anew if the old ones are not all over with. Obviously, this will take time, but to speed up the process, it is enough:
- fill free time with communication, hobbies, constant sources of joy;
- write a letter to your ex about your feelings and then burn it;
- get rid of all things that resemble the previous novel;
- find pluses in the fact that nothing has grown together with a person from the past;
- mentally thank you for the experience, assuring yourself that there is a readiness for new life lessons.
Ideally, go to a psychologist. Such a step will make parting with the past more effective, faster, less traumatic.
8. Don’t take everything as a duty.
- “I want to love him because he deserves it, because he treats me well.”
- “I have to reciprocate her, because she loves me, she suffers because of this.”
- “He (a) does so much for the family. I owe it to him/her to return everything with love.”
Trying to fall in love with another person is better only from the understanding that he is suitable in terms of views, interests, character. If such an attempt is dictated by a sense of guilt, a sense of duty, it is desirable to get rid of such an attitude.
The stronger you force yourself to do something, the less desire and interest this task will cause. Trying to step on the throat of your own desires will not end well. If you perceive love as a duty, it will forever remain it, without developing into a state of mind, intimacy, happiness.
How to love a person and is it worth it?
9. Be patient.
Cultivating love “in the lab” rather than naturally is a long-term endeavor that rarely fails. If there is a clear desire to bring everything to the end, you will have to learn two things:
- there will be no quick results. If something arises in a couple of weeks, it will be weak or short-lived. Abandon attempts at this stage = invalidate progress;
- Mistakes and breakdowns are normal. It is important to be able to continue actions after them, correct your mistakes, and not interrupt everything because of one or two oversights.
Otherwise, efforts, time will be wasted without benefit for any of the partners.
10. Is it worth trying to love …
… a new person?
First you have to understand why you so desperately want to love a particular person. There is a psychological theory that people fall in love with those they think they deserve. Output: poor self-esteem makes you lower the bar of selection when looking for a life partner. If you work on it, perhaps everything will quickly fall into place, and the person with whom you have wanted to fall in love for so long will finally seem attractive, truly interesting, attracting.
Of course, such a situation requires psychotherapeutic consultation. At the same time, it makes no sense to force yourself to love someone, since this desire is dictated by complexes. Why else do people desperately try to feel feelings for those who care about them?
- Responsibility (see paragraph “Do not take everything as a duty”).
- Fear of loneliness (“Suddenly there will be no other chance”).
- Uncertainty (“No one else will look at me”).
- Feelings of guilt (“Who will I be if I make such a good person unhappy with my refusal?”).
- Excessive dependence on other people (“Why else live, if not for the sake of love?” Denial of the importance of other areas).
- An attempt to forget, cross out previous experience (see p. “Get rid of old attachments”).
If at least one of the listed reasons is suitable, it’s time to make an appointment with a psychologist. Another person, no matter how much he loves, still cannot fill the void inside. Under such conditions, it is definitely impossible to cultivate something serious, deep in yourself. In addition, the condition will worsen, as the unloved person will begin to annoy you greatly for no reason. Breakdowns with constant regret will be almost impossible to avoid.
… a former partner?
If suddenly feelings subsided for a husband, wife or permanent partner, you will have to consider the situation differently. Weaning, alienation at the level of interests and the amount of time devoted to the family are the usual results of a routine, oppressive life.
A similar thing happens when children in a family grow up and leave to build their lives. And for the first time in many years, parents look at each other not as “mother” and “dad” without names, but as individuals. The problem is that these personalities, it turns out, no longer have anything in common. Everything that used to bring them together was connected with children, and now this link is gone. What can we say about couples in which feelings have cooled down due to serious grievances?
But what then to do? Is it worth trying to revive past experiences? The answer depends on the willingness of the couple themselves to go through difficulties again for the sake of common happiness. If a person seems so alien, distant, unsuitable that you don’t even want to communicate with him, it’s better to let each other go. Because trying to stay together takes a lot of effort. Here are just a few of the steps a couple will have to go through:
- acquaintance again – attempts to study a partner, to see changes in him;
- objective expression of grievances, claims, experiences, pain;
- accepting new versions of yourself without blame, waiting for change;
- expression of gratitude in a sincere form;
- recreating the candy-bouquet period or honeymoon;
- development of trust, sincerity, respect for the partner;
- giving care, tenderness without expecting the same in return.
It is possible that for the sake of sustainable progress, you will have to seek professional help.
The main question is not how to love another person. The main problem is whether it is worth forcing yourself to do it at all. It’s hard to get deep feelings for someone. In addition, even with persistent focus, success is not guaranteed. Such a path requires a serious moral, spiritual, temporalaboutth, energy contribution. That is why it is important to start by understanding the reasons for your desire. Only if they are weighty, the personality will have a chance for a good denouement.
How to love a person and is it worth it?
