How to return communication with a person you like by correspondence after a quarrel. When looking back, people often feel nostalgic for people with whom they have ceased to communicate in the present. Is it possible to return friendship or relationship after a while? Do you want contacts and do you want to contact me?
There is no single answer to these questions. Sometimes, as they say, “the game is worth the candle”, but in some cases it is pointless to do so. So let’s figure out with you how to return a person, and whether it’s worth it.
True desire or false nostalgia
Analyze the situation, why your paths diverged and the reason why you want to return the person in your life.
Nostalgia is called an emotional state when a person is both sad and at the same time experiencing pleasant feelings that are associated with something. Nostalgia, in other words, pleasant sadness for the past. No, she has one feature.
Nostalgia is very subjective. A person himself reconstructs events and endows them with certain emotions. Sometimes nostalgia turns into a “pink retrospection”, that is, a look at the past through “rose-colored glasses”.
You may miss a friend or an ex-boyfriend only because of the fact that you remember your relationship in a distorted way. Evaluate objectively, but were they actually positive? What is the meaning of this?
In order to make it clearer for you, it is better to explain with an example. There will be two of them and they are colorful enough so that you can realize in which case it is worth returning a person to your life, and in which it is better not to allow repetitions of communication with a person, since you are falsely reconstructing situations of communication with him.
- negative primer. Ekaterina moved to a new school in the ninth grade. Alevtina immediately became interested in her, but her interest was actually fake.
Alevtina just liked the boy from the school where Katya used to study, and so she wanted to get close to the kinselit.
Since Katya and Ali had many common interests, they quickly became friends. They walked together, went to the cinema, signed up for one circle. There were many positive things in their friendship. In that moment: you Alevtina has a guy.
Ekaterina has already become not so interesting to Alevtina, but instead of directly saying that the relationship takes up all her free time, she began to use ghosting tactics.
Ghosting is the termination of close relationships (friendship or love) by way of ignoring.
When things didn’t go well with the guy, Alya suddenly appeared in Katya’s life as if nothing had happened. And then also disappeared. Let it be in the future. No in the moment Ekaterina is not born and is not printed under it. Five years have passed since those events.
Why is he pretending that I don’t exist?
Looking at the photos of Ali in the Feeds of social networks, Katya really wants to write to her, because she remembers well how much fun they had together.
Only positive moments appear in her mind, and the negative ones are erased. But, unfortunately, Alevtina will never be able to become a real friend for Katya.
- Positive example. Alis and Anastasia poznakomilis in one company. There was a 100% convergence of interests. Their friendship was exciting and intense. If not for one “but”. Alice was optional. Possibly.
Or give the floor that exactly to fulfill the request of Nastya and “score” on her. Otherwise, Alice was a wonderful friend. She covered Nastya’s need for vivid impressions, supported her in difficult situations, was there when the earth was slipping from under her feet.
One day Nastya’s patience ran out, Alice let her down again. Anastasia ended the friendship. The friends didn’t speak for two years after that. Anastasia as this was written by Alis.
And I wrote to her. They restored their friendship. And they agreed that Alice does not promise what she is not able to fulfill, and Nastya is more loyal to her business. And support and warmth for these two years have not gone away, the girls have become friends even stronger.
It is very important to objectively assess whether it is worth returning a person into your life, will he harm you? If you still decide, then you will need a certain algorithm of actions, which is described below.
How to return communication with a person – an algorithm of actions
- Don’t fall like snow on your head.
A person can be pushed away or unsettled by a message or a call “out of the blue.” Subsequent to this topic the planomerno. Subscribe to social networks, leave comments or reactions to stories.
- Find a reason to communicate.
The usual “Hi, how are you?” – very annoying with a large temporary gap in communication. This begs the question: “What to tell?”, After all, many events have passed since then. In response, the maximum you can get: “Normal”.
And that’s it, the dialogue came to naught. Act wiser. Make an unobtrusive request, go over an old photo and a sharp comment on it, or a meme that only you two will understand.
When the Dialogue begins, it is definitely worth noting that you miss this person in your life and you regret that your communication was interrupted.
- Give me time to think.
If you crave communication with someone, this does not mean that they are eager to communicate with you. It is necessary to give a person time to realize how much he needs it. In some cases, communication is restored “for one or two”, in others – a person needs time to understand whether he is ready to be groovy in a carriage.
You could offend a person greatly, or he set new life goals where you have no place. With the rejection of your communication, you need to accept and move on with your life. The gestalt is closed – you did everything you could, time to let go if contact did not work out.
- Go get close.
When a light dialogue has begun, it will already be appropriate to invite a person for coffee or to a bar. If there are strong blocks in communication, as an option, you can use an invitation to the cinema or theater, here at the beginning you don’t have to talk, and then there will be something to discuss.
- Develop trust again.
After a long absence in life, a person may show distrust towards you. It will have to be rebuilt. Be patient with it and make an effort. To say this by saying “Game in one word”. No in any case, in have boundaries, do not be humiliated and imposed.
- Draw conclusions.
Perhaps it was not possible to return the experienced communication, then you should accept this as a passed stage. And perhaps communication will sparkle with new colors, then it is worth realizing its value and not making mistakes, which is uneven.
Remember, taking action is not a weakness, but their obsessive manifestations speak of something sick. Love and friendships should be restored when both are ready and have the desire to do so.
And of course, this should not bring psychological trauma to the participants in this communication. Taking the first step, clearly understand the reason why the communication broke up and whether it will harm you or another person.