Every girl has her own expectations of life after marriage. Many imagine her iridescent, happy. Others are sure that they will not repeat the mistakes of their parents. However, every family faces challenges. Are there problems in other areas where you live?
The wedding was noisy, the gifts were sorted, the wedding dress was put away in the closet. After a huge surge of emotions, hustle, joy and events of the honeymoon, there is a calm. We are talking, first of all, about EMO-rational lull, when calmness and measuredness come to the place of excitation. You don’t need to run anywhere.
It is not necessary to give interest to those who store it. He’s already yours. Preparing for the wedding, you dream of peace. And where on has come. You sit down like a queen on the bed and face an unusual emptiness, look around, smile at your husband and suddenly realize that the dreams of magic and fairy tales are over.
On the contrary, now you have to do ordinary things, arrange life, work. Your world becomes similar to the world of other people. Look at the windows of the high-rise building – they are all the same, and one of them is yours.
The routine is quite difficult to cope with, but most importantly, it brings frustration. It has no bright impressions. If before the wedding you got used to them, now you have to get used to their absence or look for them. Nobody needs EMOs at work. Friends have enough of their feelings.
You automatically switch to your husband. No one does the period of time, so you can use the routine and poke. In response, you begin to rock the EMO-rational swing, and that rocking can lead to the collapse of the relationship.
The moment that causes powerful stress in the relationship of a couple in the first year of marriage is to know each other in the true Light, to see without illusions.
Before the wedding, you probably tried not to appear in front of a man without Make-up, in Ripped underwear or a dressing gown with stains from the dough. The man tried to tighten his tummy, avoided walking around the apartment dirty, unshaven.
No moment of the wedding became the starting point for unraveling what was previously hidden. Gradually, the spouses fully open up to each other. And suddenly it turns out that your partner is champing. He, in turn, realizes that you are ready to take his entire salary.
You might think that you are changing. No to say that you have the truck and the vehicle, and the heat is transferred to the vehicle. Habits, carefully hidden irritability, aggression, jealousy began to come to the surface.
Relationships from 3 months to 1 year
Many couples begin to break up in the first year of a relationship due to the fact that one of the partners is trying to adjust the other for himself and his ideals. Surely the thought came to you that you wanted to see your man soft and docile, and not ruffy.
And, as soon as he became yours, you began to whine, beg for him to become complaisant. Or even tried to punish him in an attempt to achieve the desired behavior.
This just doesn’t work. Acceptance of a partner should include several principles:
- In any relationship there should be respect for each other, based on a conscious understanding of the qualities and characteristics. Drugs that are slaves, that are too long to eat and drink, that are on it.
- It is impossible to adapt a person to himself. So you break it or insult it.
- Avoid transferring the model of the relationship between parents into your family.
Unwillingness to make concessions
When entering into a relationship, each person should think about whether he is ready to give in to his partner and to what extent. It is important to figure out where the border is, beyond which you will feel that you are being humiliated, broken.
If there is a problem with the position in the east. One of the reasons is that you or your partner is an only child in the family. The other is that you are used to defending your position and take any attempt to influence yourself with hostility.
No, living with another person, you will have to give in something. Perhaps you are used to spending holidays alone or with a girlfriend, and your husband wants to relax with you. It would be wise to divide the days off, spend some of them together, the other part separately.
In many new families, everyone wants to prove himself, strives to prove his mind, skill, experience. If both partners strive to become the main ones, a conflict arises. However, the problem appears, and if both family members choose a passive position.
The solution of the issue depends on the characteristics of the partners, their relationship to each other.
There are several options for the development of events:
- The presence of a clear leader and subordinate.
- It is necessary to carry out in one phase, in other words, to prove that there is no blood, to a small number of people.
- One of the partners voices decisions, the other takes part in their preparation, suggesting ideas, clarifying questions, explaining the logic.
“I” fades into the background
Family relationships differ from friendship in that the partners appear to the outside world as melnets. You represent common interests, confront problems. You lose the opportunity to speak only for yourself and on your own behalf.
For some people who are used to being on their own, such a transformation is difficult to accept. They keep saying “I”, thereby introducing misunderstandings. Their partners experience discomfort and loss, and those around them feel bewildered.
Distribution of duties
An important point in any relationship is the distribution of responsibilities. You can be ironic about this as much as you like, but if you work and take on all the responsibilities around the house, you will quickly run out of steam as a result.
In addition, you will feel dissatisfaction and resentment. After all, you didn’t get married in order to work without rest and watch your husband play video games, meet friends and command what to cook for dinner. By the way, on will quickly get used to this state of affairs.
The issue is financial. Each partner brings to marriage their model of distribution of monetary responsibility. Someone is used to the fact that the wife controls the money, someone – the husband.
No in recent years, there are many families where, by agreement, one spouse is responsible for paying one-guy expenses. So, the husband pays for renting an apartment, repairs, urgent purchases. Wife – for utilities and food.
Which model you choose depends on you and your husband. But it is better to agree on the distribution of financial responsibility in advance.
Birth of a child
A very difficult problem in the first year of a relationship is related to the birth of a child. Often the baby plays the role of a catalyst for all unresolved problems, whether it is a question of leadership, the distribution of responsibilities.
Imagine that you and your husband are not yet used to each other. You can’t understand why you have to watch a Man at home who forgets to shave and only combs his hair when he leaves for work. He’s still in shock that you can’t cook.
And now, against the backdrop of mutual discontent, a child appears. Now you must leave everything as it is, stop getting used to each other, learn to accept and pay all attention to the new family member. To tell you the truth, not everyone can handle it.