How to stop communicating with an ex-husband and what will happen to a man? Why do people break up? There are many reasons for this. No where this is done one way – it is in these other countries that it is not common. But why, then, is it so drawn to the past? Why do you want to write or call? Do you know this feeling?
The most amazing thing is that the girls are not even stopped by the fact that they were treated badly in a relationship. All the same, they pick up the phone, when the former deigns to call, answer messages at the moments of his alcoholic failures, and if he deigns to come … So how to break this vicious circle? You will find the answer in this article.
Arguments against and against
Communication with former passions in itself is a normal phenomenon. It’s great when people in memory of the past can maintain friendly relations, especially if they are united. People have spent a lot of time and resources on each other. Gave a lot of happy moments.
Ponyatno, that’s why it’s not so cool. And from the fact that love left, the person did not become bad. He is just as interesting, kind and funny. Therefore, moving with the former to drink a cup of coffee every few months and congratulate Him on the holidays is quite an adequate phenomenon.
But if “Only thoughts are all about him and about him …”, as in Irina Dubtsova’s song, that is, manic and obsessive, you are stuck in these relationships, you cannot live “here and now” looking for a connection with him or react sharply to his sudden appearances – you need to urgently do something.
It’s especially scary if the relationship was co-dependent, abusive, unhappy or toxic, you can’t let it go for some reason. Davay razbirata, pochema to the proishodit and that it is this time.
Why is it drawn to communicate with a former young man?
There are only three main reasons why you want to communicate with an ex-man. And in order to start living “here and now” it is worth disassembling them.
- It’s all our brain’s fault.
The signaling system of the brain works like this: what is familiar is safe. The new man is an unknown and is perceived as a potential threat, And the former is already a familiar song “, which you know by heart.
By the way, that’s why the law and works that people choose a similar partner to the previous man. Therefore, it often happens that women leaving abusive and toxic relationships enter them again, but with a different partner.
- The effect of unwanted losses.
This is a kind of distortion of thinking. Even if the relationship was like a malignant tumor, which, thank the universe, was removed, the worm begins to “gnaw”: “I invested so much in these relationships, spent so much time and effort …” And that’s why I so want to return these relationships.
Do you want it and you want it?
Communication with an ex-boyfriend here acts as a thread that fraudulently creates the illusion that it is not new. And if so, then it’s not in vain that you invested so much in what happened between you in the past.
Your brain is an amazing thing. He has the power to correct our memories. If the relationship was too painful, a protective mechanism is triggered and the memory displaces bad memories, and the good ones begin to play with new colors.
You miss your ex-man and are looking for meetings with him, as negative memories are leveled and you illusory imagine what your relationship really was. However, it is called more positive than resentment, quarrels and misunderstandings.
We found out the reasons, and now let’s move on to the part where you will be offered an effective algorithm of actions to cut off communication with an ex-man and start building a new life and other relationships.
- Stop following him.
Control impulses to find out news about a former man. Don’t say too much about that, and you don’t know that. No monitor social set. No create fakes to see his Instagram stories. As soon as such a thought comes, distract yourself by any means.
- Stop blaming yourself.
Relationships are the responsibility of two people. If they broke up, then one side cannot be guilty. No to think that he left because you didn’t learn how to cook borscht, you could just order it.
Or because she refused to do some things in intimacy, it was possible to diversify the bed in another way. Or because you worked hard and paid little attention, He could help financially or understand that this is a necessity for you now.
And yes, you didn’t “take out the brain”, but tried to convey what bothered you, a loving person should listen. The conclusion is this: in order to build harmonious relations, you need to work on these two, and if they fell apart, then not enough was done on both sides.
- Realize the reason why you are looking for communication with an ex-man.
Most likely it is fear or anxiety. But fear of what? Stay alone? Can’t find the right man? Lack of love? Are you posting it now with the name and privacy? Intimacy with a new person?
Work out your fear. Find a way out of this vicious circle. If you are unable to do it yourself, contact a specialist.
- Eliminate hatred.
Sometimes a woman keeps in touch with her ex, although she suffers from this, because she is waiting for the moment to take revenge, After all, “revenge is served cold.” No, this thing is destructive and you don’t need it. Don’t waste your time. Better start a new life and leave the person in the past.
- Solve your psychological problems.
It happens that an unhealthy craving for communication with an ex-man is a consequence of your psychological difficulties that you have not overcome. For example, codependency, where you lived and breathed a man. Or lack of love for yourself, where you filled it with the love of another person.
Even in this path, there may be an inability to build communication. How to start a new relationship if you have problems interacting with other people? It is easier to maintain old connections. Here, too, a psychological consultation would be useful.
Emotions are still seething and there is some kind of heaviness in the soul? Go to the crash room or break dishes that are no longer needed. Launch a flashlight or a balloon into the sky with a note. Write a letter and burn it. Let the negativity out. And that’s it. Now you are free.
I would like to emphasize that if an ex-boyfriend is stalking you, block his contacts, if it doesn’t help, go to the police, this will immediately bring him to his senses. Don’t tolerate obsession. This does not mean that he loves you, it means that he has mental problems.
And finally, do not be afraid to refuse to communicate with an ex-boyfriend, because a new life awaits you ahead, filled with love and care, just with another person.
And if the craving still remains, make an affirmation out of it: “Past relationships are an experience that will help me build harmonious, happy, caring relationships in which there will be trust and love.” You will succeed!