How to talk to your husband about divorce calmly and correctly? Is that what you plan to do next? How to avoid scandal and come to a compromise? How to negotiate a divorce with your husband?
3 breakup strategies
A woman, having decided that she can no longer and does not want to remain in this marriage, usually chooses one position3.
- She said – how she cut off
This is a “sudden” exit strategy where the wife packs her things, picks up the kids and leaves home. The husband comes back and finds himself in a complete stupor and not understanding what happened. Or the wife exposes her husband’s things, changes the locks.
This is not the best strategy, because, firstly, the man is completely bewildered and confused.
Secondly, he may have a strong EMOtional reaction, he has the right to be angry at his wife’s behavior.
This strategy should be chosen only if the man is a threat to you, if you know that the conversation can end in physical and psychological violence.
- Delayed parting
Divorce scandals appear when One spouse has already thought everything through and made all decisions, and for the second it is like snow on the head. To avoid this, you can, while you are still together, start hinting at a divorce.
And do not put before the fact, but how to ask. When a husband is dissatisfied with something, ask the question: “Maybe we should think about a divorce?”. Even if he does not answer, a few such remarks will help him realize that such an outcome is quite good.
- Divorce after a break
Sometimes it is worth offering to take a break in the relationship, to separate, so that both spouses can think about whether they really want to stay together. It is also useful for you to understand what it is like to live without a husband. Will you feel relief, will peace return.
How to talk about divorce?
Here are some tips to help you get through the difficult path of divorce.
- Be confident in your decision
Not to mention this subject, so it is possible. A husband can start persuading you, and if you don’t have firmness, you will give in. Relationships may not change, you will again hint at a divorce and again on will dissuade you.
- Think about related questions
How to inform a man about the decision to divorce?
Among the problems that you shouldn’t return to are:
- where will you live;
- will you be able to provide for yourself and children, if any;
- how the children will react to the move and whether they will have to change schools, kindergartens;
- who can provide you with material and emotional support, etc.
- Plan the conversation ahead of time
Write down the reasons that led you to this decision, but it should not look like a list of complaints.
Focus on your relationship and negative feelings, which have become more than positive. In addition, it is not necessary in this brake and in the cupboard of the hand.
- Choose the right place and time
In order for the conversation to go relatively smoothly, you need to choose the right moment for it, at which:
- you will be just the two of you – without friends, relatives, all the more, you should not say this in front of children;
- the husband will have a “Free Head” – make sure that His thoughts are not loaded with problems at work, a sick mother, fatigue, weakness, etc .;
- you will be internally calm – firm in your intentions, not busy with other problems, able to control them.
At the first conversation, it is better not to raise questions about the division of property, debts, alimony. If a divorce has become shocking news for a man, give him time to come to his senses and put up with his ass.
How to negotiate with your husband?
Try to bring the subject of divorce gently. Start with your feelings about your relationship and the problems that have arisen between you.
With the help of questions, try to connect your husband to this conversation so that you are on the same side. For example, talking about the fact that you are constantly quarreling and no longer understand each other, turn to him, plea slia slia slia coglia.
It will most likely be difficult for a man to deny the existence of problems between you.
Talk not only about your feelings, but also about him, put yourself in his place. For example, you can say that you are well aware that due to constant quarrels, your husband has become more irritable, which is also not easy for him, because he also has a job where he needs to solve problems.
If you want to come to an agreement with your husband, your task is not to prove who was right and who is wrong, not to accuse him of all sins, but to make him your ally so that he also comes to the conclusion – yes, probably, you do not have the best relationship.
Focus on the fact that there were many good things between you, but now only problems remain. That you have already become strangers, that this marriage is exhausting him, does not allow him to live the way he wants. That it is difficult for him to constantly face domestic quarrels, etc.
To sum it up – if you’re making each other unhappy, maybe you should get a divorce. It’s best to talk about the divorce after you’ve both discussed why your relationship went bad and why you’re eating supplements.
It is important to remember that divorce is rarely peaceful and calm, even if you do everything right. A man has the right to an emotional reaction, indignation, resentment.
There may be a reaction of anger, which is also quite understandable. A person experiences anger when he realizes that he is losing something important and valuable to himself, that an insurmountable barrier has appeared between him and what he wants.
To negotiate a divorce with your husband, you need:
- recognize his right to an EMO rational reaction;
- do not get infected by his emotions – no matter how the husband reacts, keep calm. If you feel that you are losing it, listen to your breathing, restore its regularity;
- let the husband talk, do not interrupt, do not object;
- noticing that the husband has calmed down a little, proceed to a constructive conversation – do not shift the blame on him, do not blame, otherwise it will force him to defend himself, to make excuses. Recognize your responsibility, accept it;
- during a conversation, try to use the method of active listening – hear what the man says to you and help him become aware of his emotions, for example: “I understand, you are saying this because you are very upset”, etc.;
- do not use the phrases “You are to blame”, “You left me no choice”, “You did not listen to me and did not understand” – speak from the bend, “.
Do not object “on the forehead” – first agree to any argument of your husband, and then translate it in your favor.
For example, he says: “I don’t want to get divorced.” I don’t want to either, but do we have a choice? We don’t want to continue living in an unhappy marriage.” Or to his phrase “I will not give a divorce” – “I don’t want this either, but …” and so on.
It is possible to do so in the future, but it is not possible to do so on a compromise. It is best to think in advance what concessions you are able to make, and what questions the principals have for you.
If during the conversation the husband left, slamming the door or, nevertheless, there was a scandal – do not despair. Give him time to comprehend and accept everything, only then start this conversation again.
Divorce is never easy. But if you give up illusions and attempts to prove your case, then you can negotiate and make this process less traumatic for both you and your children.