How to understand abusive relationships in the family or not – examples of signs? Abuse is a form of physical or psychological abuse. It differs from a one-time conflict in its systematic nature and in the fact that one of the pairs is much weaker than the other. Superiority can be not only physical, but also economic, and simply emotional.
The simplest example is when a woman sits at home, has no access to money, cannot meet her friends, and completely obeys the decisions of a man. Such relationships are not healthy. Therefore, to prevent abuse, you need to know the characteristic signs, as well as the possible consequences.
Signs of an abusive relationship
The abuser has different strategies. And it is not always necessary to apply everything. The strategy depends on the psychology and goals of the abuser. One may be afraid of losing his victim and arrange constant scenes of jealousy. And the other is not afraid to be alone, but constantly criticizes the partner.
The following signs indicate that there is EMO-rational violence in the family:
A relatively new term, but what it means is seen in couples very often. In simple words, this is a deliberate disregard for the interests of your soulmate.
Typical examples: don’t care when you’re sick, don’t warn you about a change in plans, completely dump child care on you, take offense at not fulfilling a request even if you can’t.
- Criticism and attempts to improve.
There is nothing criminal in criticism itself if a person asks for it and is ready for it. But the abuser is not interested. He always criticizes with or without reason, while often adding that he knows how to do it and how it will be better.
Criticism is often added to blackmail “I will not come to you until you change the color of your hair.” Or the Abuser may begin to compete, constantly belittling the achievements of his half and in every possible way doubt the results.
This is a complete denial of the existence of problems and the devaluation of the feelings of the victim. There is also an imposition of thoughts that the victim is mentally ill because she sees the world in a completely different way.
The most typical examples of gaslighting are in the phrases “It seems to you”, “it’s obvious to everyone”, You are a sick hysterical woman”, and “you are reacting inappropriately”. Gradually, the victim begins to believe that her reactions are wrong, withdraws into herself, and is afraid to show her feelings.
- Sexualized and sexual abuse.
Any act of a sexual nature committed against a person without his express consent is violence. Therefore, it is wrong to think that it cannot be in the family. It is in families that the most violence occurs.
Toxic relationship + test
Sexualized violence is those acts that are committed to humiliating the victim. For example, dirty jokes, unwanted hugs, attempts to grope or kiss and forwarding intimate photos when not asked for.
This is unwanted and close attention of one person to another. Passionate and romantic relationships are almost always accompanied by abuse. One of the couples actively offers himself, while the other does not accept. But such a refusal is accepted as a game.
By the way, if a man after meeting too quickly offers to marry him, then this is not romantic. This shows that he may be prone to tyranny.
- Blackmail and silence.
If you do not agree to the sacrifices that the partner requires you to make, then you will be offended. The classic phrase is “if you don’t … then you don’t love me.” In the family, this is often associated with intimacy.
Silence can also be actively used. For example, to punish a partner with silence, offering to guess for himself what he was guilty of.
- pathological jealousy.
If your partner baselessly and systematically jokes about the fact that you are cheating on him, and checks all your correspondence and calls – this is not normal. And it’s very exhausting. And it’s good if he jokes peacefully, and is not ready to hit everyone who looks at you.
Worrying about loyalty in any particular situation is normal. To solve the situation, it is necessary to talk honestly and understand what needs to be changed so that the behavior of one partner does not cause Discomfort to the other.
It is considered the fattest marker of abuse. If your half calls every 5 minutes and asks where you are, demands a photo report, and asks in detail what you are doing, then know that you are definitely in an abusive relationship.
If you cannot see your friends and family because your man has forbidden you, then this is a direct restriction of your freedom. After such restrictions, the world of the victim narrows down to only her partner.
For this reason, the one who is being abused cannot leave this relationship, because he thinks that he simply has no one else left.
Even if you don’t know all of these markers, you can figure out that something is wrong with your relationship. Listen to your feelings, not public opinion.
They may say: “You’re just cheating”, “he doesn’t hit you or drink”, and “he’s so good”. Don’t listen to anyone. Focus only on yourself.
Consequences of abuse
In such a relationship, one of the couples has a constant fear of the second, the fear of doing something wrong, or a real panic in anticipation of a reaction. The pinnacle of this is that you do not consider your tastes, but think about how not to upset him.
Discomfort completely replaces the feeling of security and support. In this emotional state, you can understand the meaning of the word.
An interesting fact is that abusive husbands themselves often bring their wives to a psychologist to clean up.” No in the process of working with the wind that is in the air, it is on the floor and it is post-secondary and there is no time.
Because of the accumulated tension, situations come out that become a “surprise” for the abuser. “Yes in the restaurant it is necessary, in the book, in one of the poorest countries”. No woman has gone mad. Just a man systematically ignored the requests of his wife.
Abuse has consequences, both personal and those that affect relationships between people.
- Deterioration of trust and intimacy between partners;
- Personal degradation, loss of interest in life, unwillingness to strive for something;
- Decreased self-esteem, permanent STRess in someone who has been abused;
- Murder and suicide;
- Depression and post-traumatic disorder;
- Headaches, back pain, eating disorders, sleep problems.
The consequences are very dangerous and you need to try to do everything to prevent them. Therefore, notice these “bells” in time and do not jump into this meat grinder.
Abuse is very dangerous. Some victims live in such relationships for years. And when they finally manage to free themselves, they regret only one thing: that they did not leave earlier.
Often both men and women come out of such relationships absolutely broken. And then, to start a new life, you need the help of a psychologist. A specialist is also needed so that the victim does not return to the usual relationship scenario.
Be considerate and value yourself.