I don’t want to change my last name when I get married – what to say to my future spouse? In modern society, despite the new mores, the principles imposed by our ancestors still reign, and most often they relate to family relationships. Take at least the change of the girl’s surname after marriage. Over the years, we have been stubbornly told that every self-respecting lady is obliged to do this, otherwise the family will not be considered a single entity.
Many even still promote the theory that the different surnames of the spouses indicate the presence of conflicts between something like “didn’t change, so you don’t love.” No so li eto na samom dele? And why are young girls now increasingly choosing not to change anything in their personal data? This should be understood from the point of view of personality psychology.
Why do not all women want to change their last name?
In fact, there are quite a few reasons for this, and they are all very original. If earlier this rule was considered strict and immutable, now in society, such a phenomenon is still much more calm.
Do you want to take your husband’s last name? There’s nothing criminal here, as long as it suits both of you. In the case of a small number of names, it is possible to store them as follows:
- Aesthetically unattractive surname of the future spouse.
Perhaps this is one of the most common options. If from birth you were lucky enough to have a beautiful surname, which you are not ashamed to demonstrate in documents, then frankly you don’t want to change it to a less euphonious one. In addition, it may well not be combined with the name and patronymic. Most often this happens when spouses of different nationalities. This is the most harmless reason, which does not have any psychological background.
- Unwillingness to deal with the re-registration of a large number of documents.
Another practical side of this coin. For example, you are the owner of your own business (IP). In this case, you will have to change not only your passport, SNILS, TIN, but also a bunch of papers regarding work. And this is not counting the huge number of plastic cards and banking products, which now every person has more than one or two.
In general, delays, paperwork and knocking on the thresholds of state institutions cannot be avoided. Those who claim that everything is now done purely electronically in a couple of clicks have simply never done such a tedious procedure on their own. Don’t forget to take a look at the magical documents that are available. All of this can take a very long time.
- Demonstration of personal boundaries and abstraction.
And here it is already worth talking about human psychology. Many girls, getting married, in every possible way deny their dependence, both materially and morally. One way to demonstrate this to yourself and others is the opportunity to leave the old name.
Should I change my last name after marriage?
If earlier the image of a wife was a housewife anxiously waiting for a earner with a long-awaited salary from work, now girls are increasingly occupying serious leadership positions, and also becoming the main financial pillar of their family. Therefore, they certainly do not want to bend under the ancient foundations and braces. This is quite understandable.
- The desire to leave the surname of the ancestors.
As a rule, this reason refers to families where the partners are descendants of a former noble family. Let the woman no longer have any wealth and estates, but reserve the right to bear a loud surname. Why not. This is still a historical heritage, and not a banal whim.
- Cold-blooded practicality (what if there will be several marriages).
The version is very interesting. Not all girls go headlong into love and romance. It is possible to understand the term on the vehicle and in the future.
This does not mean a lack of feelings, commercialism or a marriage of convenience. Perhaps a woman simply does not want to go through a bunch of problems associated with changing her last name and endlessly coming up with a new autograph several times. In the harsh current realities, this is a fairly simple and understandable desire, which is clearly not worth being offended by.
In addition, an adult, having fallen in love with another and deciding to spend the rest of his life with him, should not lose his head and completely dissolve in crazy feelings. On the day it is practical, it is possible to see the signs and the other words on the day. Most often, it is these couples who do not get divorced, simply because they got married already being serious and conscious individuals who understand all aspects of family life.
- Challenge to society.
There is also such a version of a woman’s refusal to take her husband’s surname. Most often, this reason is found in people of nonconformist views. In such couples, it is usually not customary to baptize children, you can often encounter refusal of vaccinations or some other manifestations of a sharp rejection of traditional social principles.
From the point of view of psychology, partners in such a family are very comfortable if they share each other’s views. From where there are rods that are so great. So avoid pressure as well ex.
- Not accepting official marriage as something of particular importance.
According to this category, the women who prefer civil marriage to traditional painting in the registry office. You should do it and do it at the passport, it is usually under pressure from relatives, husband or society. A girl may not wear a wedding ring and, accordingly, not change her last name, since she already feels like a full-fledged wife in a real family. Since this is formally known as a banal expression of the prosecutor.
How to explain to your husband your reluctance to change your last name?
There is a risk of a serious problem here. If the future spouse adheres to traditional views on the institution of marriage, he will certainly be against you doing this, motivating you with the same hackneyed terms like “you don’t love me”, “we won’t be a family”, “but what about children” and all in the same vein.
Do you want to know about the interests? After all, completely forgetting about your own worldview is also not the best option. Most unconventional variants of the long-term compromise:
- Before you start, you will have to ask for the details of the package documents. Remind me that all expenses will fall entirely on the shoulders of the family or his personal budget. The amount, if anything, is not so small (state duties, etc.).
- Suggest taking a double surname. However, in this case, you will have to both go for this feat. The process is carried out by the words and it is up to you in the den.
- As much as possible in the non-aesthetic family of the child. Now such cases are not uncommon. Sometimes a man himself is glad to get rid of an indigestible surname in favor of something more pleasing to the ear.
- Не бойся говорить словами через рот. If you are a partner and you know how to do it, it is only possible to have a moment. It’s enough to do the scanning and the category designs, задумайся, and not the typographical type.
- As long as the problem is in the room, the family of the day will have to wait for that moment. Reassure the future husband that all the kids will be full-fledged heirs of his family tree. It is likely that he will agree with your decision.
The question of changing the surname upon marriage sometimes becomes a stumbling block. A spouse or his parents can be very categorical, as they were brought up in the spirit of traditional braces. If you fundamentally want to leave the old surname, and your loved one does not want to meet halfway, it is better to reconsider your views on the current relationship. However, in the meantime, it is not necessary to compromise on that by the trifles.