Microchanges – when you are “not yet”, but “already about”

Microchanges – when you are “not yet”, but “already about”. Microchanges are small actions or even thoughts that indicate that even if a person has not yet changed, he is inclined to this. Or that something is wrong in a relationship, and a person is trying to find what he lacks in other sources.

How to understand what you are doing?

  • Flirting encouragement.

They flirt with you – and you do not stop it, do not ignore it, but encourage it, even if with microscopic actions. You maintain long eye contact, you flirt with the bartender, you let them touch your arm, even if you don’t intend to date or sleep with any of these people.

  • Fantasizing about emotional connections with other people.

It could be a real person – like a cute new colleague – or a celebrity, or even a character (oh, that Levi from Attack on Titan), but you fantasize about him. Is it bad? Well, actually, no: formally, you don’t do anything, treason is not considered treason until there are specific actions, and you can think about anything.

But on the other hand, this suggests that something is missing in your relationship. Romance, emotions, sensuality, extreme – depends on fantasies. Why not think about what is missing and bring it up for discussion with a partner?

  • You continue and encourage meeting people who attract you or who you attract.

In simple words: you like a colleague (or you know that you like him). You are not going to cross any boundaries, but you continue to date him in order to feel desired and attractive – because this is not enough in your “main” relationship.

  • Rebuilding connections.

For example, you start talking with your ex again, or with a friend with whom you decided to break off communication because it harmed your relationship. It means the same thing: you are missing something, and you are trying to find it where it was given to you before.

  • Distancing yourself physically and emotionally.

You can do it consciously (to “punish” your partner for what you don’t like) or unconsciously, simply because he has become unpleasant to you, you are offended by him. You do not initiate intimacy, you move away emotionally, you do not share your thoughts with him, creating an abyss between you.

Signs that a partner is doing it

  • Sits more on the phone than usual;
  • Indifferent when you try to talk heart to heart with him, answers inappropriately or in monosyllables or even completely ignores;
  • If you try to discuss your relationship, he is indifferent or starts to get angry, blame you, go into a “defensive” position;
  • If your girlfriend says that your boyfriend flirted with her or even molested her, it may very well be that this girlfriend is telling the truth, not him;
  • Suspicious likes, new friends or subscriptions on social networks, and when you ask who it is, he takes a defensive position, reacts aggressively;
  • He has friends and acquaintances who do not know that you are dating;
  • Signs that he was dating someone gradually disappeared from his social networks – your joint photos, likes on your posts;
  • He asks you how you feel about cheating, threesomes, open relationships and other similar practices. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants it – but he started thinking about it.
  • You have ceased to be the first person to know about his experiences or joyful events in his life – now he first of all tells about them to another person, for example, to his friend. This means that this person has become more emotionally significant to him.
  • I began to respond to your messages more slowly, although before I always did it right away. But he is corresponding with someone else and very actively.
  • Became emotionally closed and secretive, does not want to discuss any relationship problems or his condition.
  • Delightfully talks about some new acquaintance.

All these signs do not mean that he (or you) is definitely cheating. But this is a signal that you have moved away, and the relationship has ceased to bring complete satisfaction. So it’s better to talk and find out what to do next.

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