Psychology of family relations and the foundations of the family. All people at some point in their lives think about relationships with the opposite sex. Why did I choose/chose this particular partner? What is the basis of a creative relationship? What are the roots of a happy family? If you want to understand these issues, you need to familiarize yourself with the psychology of family relationships.
Why do I have such a partner?
You often heard your friends complain: why did I get him/she? People wonder how they chose a partner who doesn’t live up to their expectations. A woman who came from a family of alcoholics did not want her husband to drink, looked for a partner for a long time, and still chose an alcoholic. A man, the son of a cold and distant mother, made a vow to himself that he would marry only a kind and sympathetic girl, and in spite of everything he finds a selfish and cold wife.
The fact is that the child learns the model of normal relationships between partners from relationships with parental figures. Depending on how the parents treated the child, what “role” was assigned to him in the family scenario, the child subconsciously postpones the stereotype of normal relations in the family.
For example, the girl Irina grew up in a family where a weak-willed dad drank, and her mother was always unhappy, often looking for support from her young daughter. There were scandals in the family due to her father’s drunkenness, the girl had to be an “arbitrator” in these quarrels. What kind of relationship will mature Irina build with her partner? The girl will be attracted by weak men with all sorts of addictions, whom she will “save” throughout the relationship, while being angry at the partner for his lack of will and inertia. For Irina, this is a template for normal relationships.
The boy Sasha was gifted and smart, but the imperious mother did not allow him to take the initiative in any matters, while actively pointing out to Sasha his mistakes. The father was a silent shadow, agreeing with his wife in everything. Little Sasha will grow up and do whatever he wants, as if breaking out of the cage, but eventually marries a despotic dominant wife who will nag and criticize him. Why? Because for Sasha this is the norm.
Psychology of family relations and the foundations of the family.
What does psychology recommend?
You need to deal with your childhood. Only by understanding what mistakes your parents made can you understand how it could affect your life. By critically examining the relationship with your parents in childhood, you can understand which relationship model has become entrenched in your subconscious. Here are some questions to help:
- Did your parents respect your opinion, listen to it?
- Was it allowed to cry, be sad, yearn, be “bad”?
- Could you easily tell your parents about your problem?
- Was it normal in your family to sincerely share your thoughts and feelings?
- Did you have confidence that your parents can decide everything, and you are securely protected?
If you answered “no” to two or more questions, most likely you got a “toxic” model of relationships from childhood, and you need to deal with the psychology of family relationships that were in your parental home and now exist in your family.
What can you advise the girl Irina, who is always looking for her weak-willed father in every man? She needs to understand that her attraction to “unfortunate” partners stems from childhood trauma, in which a little girl had to take responsibility for the lives of adults and solve their problems, which objectively she was not able to solve. She needs to shift the responsibility for her spoiled childhood onto her parents, survive this loss and continue to live, remembering that now she does not have to protect anyone, that she is responsible only for her life, and it is not her task to “save” an adult from any dependency.
Guy Sasha does not necessarily divorce a despotic wife. He, like Irina, needs to realize what his model of toxic relationships is. Realizing that he is playing the scenario of a twitchy silent boy in his family, Sasha will learn to defend his interests, show his will, express his real feelings, seek compromises in relations with his wife. If you want to save your family and the ability to listen and hear from your wife, these relationships may well develop into a harmonious marriage.
Remember, the psychology of family relationships begins with questions to yourself. Ask them:
- What emotions does communication with my partner evoke in me?
- What do I bring to this relationship, what role do I play?
- Am I getting everything I want from this relationship?
- What’s stopping me from getting everything I want?
Psychology of family relations and the foundations of the family.
Psychology of family relations: where are the origins of a happy marriage?
All people want a prosperous happy family, where the partners would act together, and the children would live carefree and happy. And it is in our power to build such a family, to provide ourselves with a safe harbor in the form of an understanding and loving partner.
The foundation of a long-term relationship is love. This is the plain truth. But there is a little trick here, which can sometimes play a key role in the psychology of family relationships.
Imagine your loved one says to you: “I love you for being so smart (smart).” Recognition of your virtues can be nice, but compare: “I love you for just being you.”
Love without conditions, accepting a person completely, with all his qualities, even negative ones, without trying to remake. Unconditional love is the source of harmonious relationships in the family.
Naturally, we all love our loved ones unconditionally. However, most of us rarely express our love, and some people even broadcast opposite things to their partners and children: “You are behaving badly, I don’t want to love you”, “I want you to lose weight, then I will fall in love with you again”, “ You hurt me, I don’t love you.” As if love is a bargaining chip in the interpersonal marketplace. And if you make a mistake, you can lose this love.
What to do?
Talk to your loved ones as often as possible about love. Don’t discuss their personality. Judge the actions, not the person. Do not blackmail with love. Here are some examples of phrases that you should say to your partner as often as possible:
- I’m very interested in you.
- I love you even if I’m mad at you.
- I am saddened by your actions, but I love you anyway.
- I love you no matter what you do.
- I will support you in your decision, even if I disagree/agree with it.
Unconditional love is a state that gives us the opportunity to relax, allowing us to be ourselves. This is a state that many of us lacked in childhood, when we were forced to bear the burden of responsibility for our parents, had to comply with the ideas of the “right” child, did not receive respect and acceptance from adults – you can list a lot. Each person has his own “case history”, but the cure for it is awareness of the experience of your childhood and unconditional love for your loved ones. This is the basis of the psychology of family relationships, these two things can change your family situation for the better. So, the whole world will change a little for the better.
Psychology of family relations and the foundations of the family.
