Relationships are only for two and they must fight for them. “The third is superfluous” – folk wisdom tells us, which means “the matter concerns two.” Envisioning a healthy, harmonious and fulfilling relationship, our imagination produces a couple that is able to interact with each other without involving a third party.
But it happens that a couple does not know how to negotiate, solve their own problems or conflicts on their own, or cannot lead a life on their own. Because of their immaturity, they attract a third party. Do you think they are happier because of it?
Children’s family and involvement of parents
A children’s family is not about age, but about immaturity. If you don’t like it, you should be between 17 and 25 and 60 years. This phenomenon is well described in the book “Secrets of Family (Not) Happiness” by G. Navaitis. By the way, this book is an analysis of many family problems and conflicts, read at your leisure.
Marriage is about responsibility. Having created a family, infantile people do not know how to solve current problems. Therefore, and attract the older generation into their lives.
This can act as complaints, requests for financial assistance, a requirement to convince a partner that they are right.
In such a relationship, the girl expects masculinity and decision-making from her partner, and the man from the second half of housekeeping and shouldering all the burdens on himself.
Now it’s up to you to learn and be aware of it. And since parents sometimes intervene “wrong” or “wrong” – a conflict atmosphere is created.
Tension grows between the couple, and between children and parents, and between parental families on both sides. If you do not take action, then the relationship will fall apart.
What to do? Grow up and take responsibility. Refuse the help of parents and solve current difficulties on their own. Preferably with the help of a family psychologist.
In this case, the psychologist will help structure mutual claims and solve problems, avoiding scandals, which is typical of a children’s family. Note that sometimes only one of the partners acts as a child. Then the help of therapy cannot be avoided – the person simply does not realize this.
Conclusion: remember, a family will never be happy if it is controlled by the older generation.
Lack of common interests and attraction of friends
The couple is based on calculation or passion. Intimacy and material settlement are the norm, provided that there is trust and common interests. And there is nothing to talk about. I don’t want to spend time together. They irritate each other’s tastes. Relationships need to be maintained somehow.
Do the rodents pomogate you?
And here friends come to the rescue. They will occupy the niche that para could not fill. And now, around the clock, someone is present in the family, which further alienates the partners from each other. Friends fill the space like weeds and the result is that you and your partner become strangers.
I remember a series of the popular series “Univer” where Anton and Christina, after moving to their own apartment, constantly invited their friends to visit or went to them. And all why? Because being alone is uncomfortable.
Sometimes it happens that only one of the pair behaves this way. This complicates the situation, since in this case the second partner is “on the verge” of the presence of strangers in his vrospace. What provokes conflicts and scandals.
What to do? Put in a lot of effort and work on relationships. Look for common ground and compromises. It’s important to have something in common. But it is of interest to the part and it is of interest to him.
Your partner loves extreme sports (parasailing, rope jumping, karting), but are you afraid? Choose in park on attraction. He loves movies, and you books? Watch a screen version of your favorite work.
You like to draw, but he is far from art, you can try to draw a picture by numbers together. He is an active athlete, and not? Try walking or cycling together.
You can always find a common cause. Even at home. Offer to cook his favorite dish together. You can also try something new for both of you. A variety of games are good for young couples: board, computer, interactive.
Conclusion: “If you want, you can fly into space”, you can always find something that will ignite your relationship and exclude unnecessary people from them.
Love triangle or harem
It’s not about cheating that happens on the sly. This is about the fact that a person consciously brings a third person into a romantic relationship. This Has Several Variations, For example, flirting with a girlfriend, correspondence on dating sites that are not hidden, or the third in Intima.
Moreover, the motive is usually presented in this way: “There is nothing like that, I am having so much fun.” Pay attention, this has little to do with polygamy, a person does not position himself from the point of view of “I want everything and everywhere.” It’s more about who will amuse his vanity and narcissism.
A person brings a third to create competition for himself. He wants to achieve jealousy and attention. On wishes to be feared to be lost. He lusts for his partner to feel anxious about him. It shows that there is always an alternative.
Why is this all? There are two reasons. The first is that a person has low self-esteem and he needs to create for himself the appearance that he is needed. The second is that he is a narcissist and it is important for him that as many people as possible amuse his ego.
You ask yourself, how does this happen? A person does not deny himself correspondence on dating sites, has many girlfriends or the so-called “fallback options” can start an affair, talks about his past adventures.
And he does this openly, without hiding, adding that “you are not his wife” or “you did not agree to be faithful to each other”, “I just communicate with them, then I sleep with you.”
Another distinguishing feature is that he showed his partner before that his significance, that is, there were full-fledged courtship and care.
What to do? Leave. You are not a psychotherapist to treat his sick head.
Conclusion: be able to find reliable partners for relationships, pay attention to early “bells”.
Involving children in relationships as a way of manipulation
This Happens When There Is Any Problem In A Relationship, But The Partners Don’t Want To Compromise And Everyone Pulls The Blanket On. And the “brainwashing” of poor children begins in order to achieve their goal with their help.
For example, the head of the family decided that a vacation is necessary in February, and the mother has a blockage at work at that time, so she believes that the vacation should be at another time.
If you don’t remember, the first thing about the subject, on the other hand, is that it’s written: Otherwise, in a week we would be basking in the sun and swimming in the sea. You should say “kanyushit” and that’s what it is.
Or such an example. The couple can’t get along. In other words, the words that come from the slaves, on the word: “It’s all your daddy! Offends me!”. Naturally, the children stand in opposition against the father and you have no choice but to plead guilty and ask.
This manipulation is characteristic of immature personalities and egoists. So to say, it does not matter how it is done, the main thing is the result. To that end, it is psychologically in this moment that it is of little interest.
What to do? Learns productive ways to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings. Learn to have a constructive dialogue. Now and conjoined that it’s up to you and it’s hard on you.
Conclusion: children are small people, it is unsuitable to use them in solving conflict situations, as consumables.
Remember that in a healthy relationship, the third is always superfluous!